Anniversary Jokes / Recent Jokes

For their anniversary, a couple went out for a romantic dinner. Their teenage daughters said they would fix a dessert and leave it waiting. When they got home, they saw that the dining room table was beautifully set with china, crystal and candles, and there was a note that read: "Your dessert is in the refrigerator. We are staying with friends, so go ahead and do something we wouldn't do!" "I suppose," the husband responded dryly, "we could clean the house."

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed. She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE! !" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Wednesday.

There was a rich guy and a poor guy sitting together in a bar. The poor guy says "Well I must be going because I don't have that much money so I must go" (he stands, ready to leave) The rich guy says "No, sit down and I will buy you more drinks."
Poor guy: "Alright, but just one more, I really have to be getting home. It is my wife and I's anniversary"
Rich guy: "Really? My wife and I's anniversary was last week!"
Poor guy: "what did you get her?"
Rich guy: "I got her a diamond ring and a Mercedes"
Poor guy: "what made you decide to get her those?"
Rich guy: "Oh, I figured that if she didn't like the diamond ring, she could drive it back to the jewelers. So, what did you get your wife?"
Poor guy: "I got her a pair of flip-flops and a dildo"
Rich guy: "What made you decide to get her those?"
Poor guy: I figured that if she didn't like the more...

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks.
"Not really," says Mary.
"Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John.
"No," she responds.
"What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.
She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks."
"Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks.
"John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary.
"Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says John.

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks."Not really," says Mary."Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John."No," she responds."What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests.She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks.""Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks."Actually John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary."Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend that much," says John.

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary.
On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he's getting sentimental because they're celebrating 50 wonderful years together.

He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married.
Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he'd have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I didn't marry you. Tomorrow I would've been a free man!"

A man and a woman were celebrating their 50th anniversary. They were talking before their dinner about how they should celebrate their big evening.

The woman decided she would cook a big dinner for her husband. Then he said they should do what they did on their wedding night and eat at the dinner table naked. The woman agreed.

Later that night at the table, the woman says, "Honey, my nipples are as hot for you as they were fifty years ago."

The man replies, "That's because they are sitting in your soup."