Announcement Jokes / Recent Jokes
A friend of a friend, who is an airline copilot, told the following stories about a captain with whom he often flew. This man was an excellent pilot, but not very good at making passengers feel at ease.
For example, one time the airplane preceeding him blew a tire on landing, scattering chunks of rubber all over the runway. He was asked to hold descent while the trucks came out and cleaned up. His announcement to the passengers:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'm afraid there will be a short delay before our arrival. They've closed the airport while they clean up what's left of the last airplane that landed there."
Then there was the time they were flying through turbulence. Some of the passengers became alarmed at how much the wings were bending in the rough air, and one of the flight attendants relayed their concern to the captain. His announcement to the passengers:
"Ladies and gentlemen, I've been informed that some of you have noticed our wings bending in more...
I was recently (as in yesterday) given this announcement for
a new C compiler. Please do not direct any questions concerning
this product to me - all I know is what you see here. Please
contact the company for further information. Also, this is long,
so please edit accordingly when replying via news.
Tenne-C Announcement
MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range more...
The political world was thrown into a frenzy today when Brett Favre announced that he's not only considering retiring from football but also considering running for President in 2008.
With his dramatic announcement, Favre becomes the only political candidate to be considering two plans for the future at the same time.
"This is just the kind of multi-tasking Americans expect from their next President," gushed political commentator James Carville on ABC's Meet the Press.
Favre emphasized that he wanted to make a decision in time for Democrats to draft another candidate in the event he decided not to run. "Which means y'all will know my plans sometime around late September in 2008," said Favre.
The Green Bay quarterback defended his decision to consider his decision to retire noting that he felt he still could perform at the professional level despite his advanced age and deteriorating skills and added, "Just like John more...
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean." The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captains next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency, and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane, and all the swimmers are on the right side." After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captains request. Two minutes later, the captain made a belly landing in the ocean. The captain once again made an announcement, "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open you r emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of more...
MicroSoft: Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY (AP) - In a joint press conference in St. Peter's Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion.
With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company's new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates.
"We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of more...
MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
By Hank Vorjes VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter`s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software giant will acquire the Roman Catholic Church in exchange for an unspecified number of shares of MICROSOFT common stock. If the deal goes through, it will be the first time a computer software company has acquired a major world religion. With the acquisition, Pope John Paul II will become the senior vice-president of the combined company`s new Religious Software Division, while MICROSOFT senior vice-presidents Michael Maples and Steven Ballmer will be invested in the College of Cardinals, said MICROSOFT Chairman Bill Gates. "We expect a lot of growth in the religious market in the next five to ten years," said Gates. "The combined resources of MICROSOFT and the Catholic Church will allow us to make religion easier and more fun for a broader range of more...