Anyone Jokes / Recent Jokes
Dumb Indiana laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.
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One man may not back into a parking spot becasue it prevents police officers from seeing the license plate.
Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.
All males 18 to 50 years old must work six days a year on public roads.
Mustaches are illegal if the bearer has a tendency to habitually kiss other humans.
Hotel sheets must be exactly 99 inches long and 81 inches wide.
State government officials who engage in private duels can be dismissed from their post.
Drinking from your own bottle in a bar can lead to your arrest.
A man over the age of 18 may be arrested for statutory rape if the passenger in his car is not wearing her socks and shoes, and is under the age of 17.
It is illegal to sell cars on more...
Oops! Has anyone seen my watch? That was some party last night. I can't remember when I've been that drunk. Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing! Well this book doesn't say that... What edition is your manual? OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature. Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? Hand me that... uh... that uh..... thingie If I can just remember how they did this on ER last week. Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? Damn, there go the lights again... Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Hell, the guy's got two of' em. Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! Could you stop that thing from beating; it's throwing my concentration off. I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us. Steril, shcmeril. The floor's clean, right? What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change! What do more...
1. I'm not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
2. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
3. Ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
4. Ever notice that anyone driving slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
5. You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and we have no idea where she is.
6. I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
7. Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it's because they're such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
8. I've always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell who accidentally ended up in a man's head.She looked around nervously but it was all empty and quiet."Hello?" she cried, but no answer."Is there anyone here?" she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared and yelled at the top of her voice,"HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE?" Then she heard a very faint voice from far, far away... "We're down here!"
A woman goes to her doctor and said she wanted and operation done because her vagina lips were much too large.
She then asked the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she didn't want anyone to find out, so the doctor agreed.
She woke up from her operation only to find three roses carefully placed beside her in bed. Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor. She said to him, I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!.
The doctor told her he did not and not to worry. He then continued... The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself.
The second one is from my nurse. She assisted me with the operation and she had the operation done herself."
Just then the girl asked about the third rose.
The doctor said: "Oh, that rose is from a guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!"
21. Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
22. Play "Kumbaya" on the banjo.
23. Have a band waiting in the corner of the room. When anyone asks a question, have the band start playing and sing an Elvis song.
24. Ask occassional questions, but mutter "as if you gibbering simps would know" and move on before anyone can answer.
25. Mention in passing that you're wearing rubber underwear.
26. Show a video on medieval torture implements to your calculus class. Giggle throughout it.
27. Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
28. Ask the class to read Jenkins through Johnson of the local phone book by the next lecture. Vaguely imply that there will be a quiz.
29. Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back more...