Aol Jokes / Recent Jokes

You Might Be Addicted to AOL if...
..... Tech Support calls "You" for help.
..... Someone at work tells you a joke and you say LOL
..... You have called out someone's screen name while making love to your significant other.
..... You keep begging your friends to get an account so "we can hang out"
..... you have to get a second phone line just so you can call Domino's
..... you've ever typed "drinking on AOL is better than drinking alone"
..... you have a vanity car tag with your screen name on it
..... you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitalization, or complete sentences
..... you begin to say heh heh heh instead of laughing
..... when someone says "What did you say?" you reply "Scroll up!"
..... you sneak away to the computer in the middle of the night when your spouse is asleep.
..... you know more about your AOL friends daily routines than you do your own more...

The AOL Car

The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.

The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.

The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.

The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.

AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.

Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.

The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.

The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.

Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.

If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of more...

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.

2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you,but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?

3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?

4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?

5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!

6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?

7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain more...

On the twelfth day of AOL those buttheads gave to me,
12 reasons to cancel,
11 channels not working,
10 hours without mail,
9 frozen chat rooms,
8 hours of busy signals,
7 frozen IMs,
6 disconnections,
5 web crashes,
4 idiots at tech help,
3 error messages,
2 pieces of junk mail,
and a jerk cursing in a chat room.

1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off.


2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY?


3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside?


4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK?


5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?!


6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names?


7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is more...

MICROSOFT:' If G.M. had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got one-thousand miles to the gallon.'

GENERAL MOTORS:' Perhaps, but if G.M. had developed technology the same way Microsoft has, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day. You would just accept this, repair the damage and drive on.

2. Every time the lines were repainted on the road, you would have to buy a new car. You would accept this too.

3. Occasionally, but most often during rush-hour or when you are running late, your car would just die on the freeway for no apparent reason. Again, you would just accept this, re-start, and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a normal maneuver, such as a left turn, will cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart. In such cases you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. more...

The new University of Georgia Campus Phone books arrived last month, with an AOL start up disk attached to each book. Now, thousands of AOL diskettes exist on the University campus, with most students at a loss as to what they can do with them. Here are a few suggestions given by a fellow UGA student. ..
--- Original message ---
Question: So what do you guys do with the AOL promo discs that seem to be everywhere? What can you do? I've got about 3 of them now, and don't really want to throw them away. Thanks!
Ans the answer: Use them as coaters at your christmas parties and social occasions.
Decorate the tree with them. Also useful for this are promotional CD-ROMs.
Tile your bathroom walls! They also make an attractive and functional kitchen countertop.
Give them to kids as frisbees.
Subscribe to AOL! Wait a sec, what am I thinking? Nevermind that one, we've got MUSIC.
For those of you celebrating Haunakkah (sp?), drive nail through center: more...