Aol Jokes / Recent Jokes
You'd live in a place where no two people had the same name. You'd only pay $21. 95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck. Once you got outside, even if you were in a hurry, you'd be assaulted by slimy little door-to-door sales creeps offering you great AOL 14. 4 modems for only $399. 99. The commute to work is just a double-click away, but every time you try to leave your driveway, the flow of traffic knocks you back into your yard. The local post office would tell your mother you're not a known resident. The local post office won't forward your mail to you when you move. If you saw a crime and called 911, they'd reply a week later with a form letter saying how you "really are important to us." Every time you went shopping, you'd be kicked out of the store by a bouncer screaming, "WE'RE SORRY, THIS STORE IS TEMPORARILY UNAVAILABLE." Whenever you traveled to other cities, people would see your license tag more...
AOL announced another rate increase today moving the ulimited access rate up too $23.90/month. Thought this joke was appropriate to celebrate the occassion. 1. The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer. 2. The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player. 3. The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later... and later... and later... and oh forget it. 4. The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars. 5. AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model. 6. Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason. 7. The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots of pretty colors and lights. 8. The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members. 9. Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make more...
Due to the recent merger of AOL and Time Warner, AOL members can soon expect the following changes: Time Magazine's next "Man Of The Year" issue will feature Steve Case on the cover as the undisputed winner. This of course will strictly be a coincidence. The standard irritating AOL popups will be replaced by Warner Bros. cartoons. Now, Elmer Fudd will say, "You cwazy wabbit, you've been onwine for 5 minutes and that's way-y-y too long... we're going to boot you off!"The next time that you hear Bugs Bunny say, "Eh, what's up Doc?" he will be referring to your monthly AOL subscription charge.
Twas a month before Christmas
From my wife came the wail,
"Take out the garbage
And go get the mail."
So I trudged to my mailbox
And what did I see?
Why, a miniature disc
And computer CD!
'Twas a limited offer
From America Online,
I knew in a twinkling
That this deal was fine!
"Unlimited" access
for one little fee,
And if I didn't like it
I could cancel it free.
So I plugged the thing in
And it just wouldn't load,
The message said "Error!"
And something in code.
And this is when I
Started getting real nervous
So I waited four hours
For "Customer Service."
This techno-geek helped me
To load and install it,
Then demanded the VISA
I keep in my wallet.
So I gave him my number
And what did I spy?
"Terms and Conditions" screens
Whistling more...
1. You have been on-line for 46 minutes. Do you want to stay on-line? Please respond within 10 minutes, or you will be logged off. 2. You have been on-line 135 minutes. Not to put any pressure on you, but there are OTHER people in the world who would like to sign on. Let's show some consideration for our fellow members and sign off, WHADDYA SAY? 3. You DO realize that you have been on-line for 180 minutes, right? When was the last time you went outside? 4. OK, this is getting ridiculous. Frankly, you're starting to upset us! If you sign off now, we'll bring back your buddy list, OK? 5. You have been on-line for 360 minutes now! We promised you unlimited time, we know, but can't you just finish up and go read a good book?! 6. You have been on-line for 467 minutes. Do you remember your family members names? 7. You have been on-line for 513 minutes. Your spouse has left and your dog is starving. Do you wish to remain on-line? 8. You have been on-line for 724 minutes. Steve Case is coming more...