Appreciate Jokes / Recent Jokes

An artist asked the gallery owner if anyone had shown an interest in his paintings which were on display at the time.
"I have good news and bad news," replied the owner. "The good news is that a gentleman did inquire about your work and wanted to know whether it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him most definitely, he purchased all 18 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful," exclaimed the artist. "What's the bad news?"
"He happened to be your doctor!"

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: a. Don't pee on the tree b. Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open e. Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the more...

Visitors: Quickly determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly and leap playfully on this person. Extra points if you can gently grab their hands. They love that.

Licking: Always take a big drink immediately before licking humans. They prefer clean tongues. During the human’s dinner time, when you are in the same room is the best time to give yourself a full body bath. The louder you are the cleaner they think you are.

Sniffing: Humans like to be sniffed…. Everywhere. It is your duty as the family dog to accommodate them and anyone that you meet. Crotch sniffing will always get their attention.

Holes: If digging is a must do not dig one big hole (to noticeable). Rather, dig many smaller ones all over the yard as they will blend in and may not get noticed. Dogs with human gardeners are required to give their human a paw and help dig up anything growing in their garden.

Housebreaking: This is very more...

1. Watch the sunset- on a sled.2. Smile more, -it might get you a free beer.3. Complain less. -It might get you a free beer.4. Surprise a friend with a call. - It might get you a free beer.5. Develop your gifts. - You might need them.6. Count your blessings. - You might need these too! 7. Talk to someone in an elevator. - Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.8. Breathe consciously once in a while. - This cures snoring.9. Enjoy sneezes - and stay behind the one sneezing.10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, - unless you are an actor.11. Be unique, -it demonstrates difference! 12. Sing in the shower. - With a friend! 13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, - or have someone laugh at you.14. Make someone's day, - or night.15. Stand on your head. - For a free beer! 16. Stare at the world above you. - Hopefully not from under a bar.17. Play with an animal. - Be sure it is one which cannot eat you! 18. Slurp Jell-O. -Add Vodka for more...

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

50 Ways to Appreciate Life
1. Watch the sunset- on a sled.
2. Smile more, -it might get you a free beer.
3. Complain less. -It might get you a free beer.
4. Surprise a friend with a call. - It might get you a free beer.
5. Develop your gifts. - You might need them.
6. Count your blessings. - You might need these too!
7. Talk to someone in an elevator. - Particularly ones with Arctic Cat jackets on, or those carrying beer.
8. Breathe consciously once in a while. - This cures snoring.
9. Enjoy sneezes - and stay behind the one sneezing.
10. Appreciate that your leg isn't broken, - unless you are an actor.
11. Be unique, -it demonstrates difference!
12. Sing in the shower. - With a friend!
13. Put your shoes on the wrong feet and laugh at yourself, - or have someone laugh at you.
14. Make someone's day, - or night.
15. Stand on your head. - For a free beer!
16. Stare at the world above you. - Hopefully not from under a more...

Why We Appreciate Men And How Our Bubbles Get Burst When He Ain't Prince Charming!! (and added comments)1. They've got that comfortable place on their shoulder that's perfect for snuggling into while we fall asleep. (At least that's what his girlfriend/wife says - depending on which YOU are!)2. They're at peace with their bodies, except for maybe some minor anxiety over height, weight, and baldness. (The *names deleted* of the world.. . teehee!!)3. They're enthusiastic about our bodies, even when we're not. (Yeh, don'tcha love it when they say you look great.. . just don't get over 200 lbs!!)4. They're beyond enthusiastic about sex. (OK if they are discriminate.. . about who they are having it with!!)5. They fall in love so hard, once they finally fall. (And don't be shocked if it is their wife.. . " you helped me through a hard time in our marriage and now it's better than ever" OR.. . " yes, I confess, I DID have a fling (you!!), but let's not let that interfere with more...