Argue Jokes / Recent Jokes

How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married? LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room. LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room. MARRIAGE - When you lose your child in crowded room.LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love." LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing." MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about? LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have. LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot. MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.LOVE - When you share everything you own. LUST - When you steal everything they own. MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax. LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax. MARRIAGE - What's a climax? LOVE - When you write poems about your partner. LUST - When all you write is your phone number. MARRIAGE - When all you write is checks.LOVE - When you show concern for your partner's feelings. LUST - When you more...

My most memorable one was, after being lightly smacked on the butt and asking, "What was that for?" "Nothing. DO something and see what you get." I once got smacked and when I asked, "What was that for?" my mom replied, That's for all the things I never found out about." If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me! Variation: Cut your legs off in that lawnmower, don't you come running to me! If you poke your eye out with that thing, don't come looking for me! You always find things in the last place you look. Keep doing that with your face and it'll stay that way. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Variation: (speaking in time with the spanking) This(spank) hurts(spank) me(spank) more(spank)..... I want you to go find something for me to spank you with. Mother to my Father: "He's got my looks and your brains!" "He's your son!"I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate. What were you thinking more...

How to Argue Effectively I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: -=- Make things up. Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you are not going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1, 452. 81 per annum, which is $836. 07 before the mean gross poverty level." NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission more...

A
man wearing a mask bursts into a sperm bank with a shot
gun. "Open the safe!" he yells at the girl
behind the counter.
"But we're not a real bank" replies the
girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".
"Don't argue just open the safe or I'll blow
your head off!" She obliges and opens the safe
door.
"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"
"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies
nervously.
"Don't argue, just drink it" he says.
She prys off the cap and gulps it down.
"Take out another one and drink it too!"
he demands.
The girl drinks another one.
Suddenly the guy pulls off the mask and to the girl's
amazement it's her husband...
"Not that damn difficult, is it?" he says.

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST- When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you try to lose your spouse in a crowded room.
LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.
There really is one.
LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over whose idea it was to have kids.
LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.
LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - When. . . uh. . . what's a climax?
LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a more...

Don't argue with a fool. The spectators can't tell the difference.

I won't argue with you because I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed person.