Army Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock Who's there! Army Ant! Army Ant who? Army Ants coming for tea then?

Why did King Kong join the army? To learn about gorilla warfare.

One day a brunette, redhead, and blonde joined the army as spies. They were captured together and set up against a wall to be shot seperately. The General said they had one last word they could say before they were shot by his men with their guns ready.
The brunette yelled out "Earthquake!!!" and everyone fled to their barracks and she escaped.
The redhead yelled out "Tornadoe!!!" and everyone fled to their barracks and she escaped.
The Blonde after seeing these things happen yelled out "Fire!!!" - and was shot on the spot.

Army Axiom: Any order that can be misunderstood has been misunderstood.

NEW VIRUS ALERT... immediately scan your computer for the following
viruses!
Pat Buchanan Virus:
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about
foreign software.
Colin Powell Virus:
Makes it's presence known but doesn't do anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
Hillary Clinton Virus:Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a
year later; in another directory.
O.J. Simpson Virus:You know it's guilty of trashing your system, but
you just can't prove it.
Bob Dole Virus:Could be virulent, but it's been around too long to be
much of a threat.
Steve Forbes Virus:All files reported as the same size.
Paul Revere Virus:This virus doesn't horse around, warns you of
impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
Politically Correct Virus:Never identifies itself as a "virus", but
instead refers to itself as an "electronic micro-organism".
Ross Perot Virus:Activates every component in your more...

A telphone man joined the Army. As part of his basic
training, he went out on the rifle range. He fired 99 shots at
the target, and missed the target with every shot! His Drill
Instructor tried to find out why.
"What's the matter with you?" asked the DI. "Why can't you
hit the target? What were you in civilian life?"
"I was a telephone man," replied the new recruit, "and I
don't know why I can't hit the target. Let me see..."
The telephone man checked his rifle, checked his rifle
again, and checked his rifle a third time. He then put his
finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger, and blew the
end of his finger off!
"Well," the phone man said, writhing in pain, "the bullets
are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!"
Bruce Stein on the Line

When little Reggie was inducted into the Army, he was advised to act tough." That's the only way to command respect in the Army," his friends said. So Reggie did his best to carry out the advice. He swaggered all around camp, bragging, blustering and talking out of the corner of his mouth." Show me a sergeant and I'll show you a dope," Reggie shouted. No sooner had he spoken than a brawny, battle-hardened figure appeared." I am a sergeant!" he bellowed." I am a dope," whispered Reggie.