Arnold Jokes / Recent Jokes

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. "Who do you want to play?" Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. "I've always been a big fan of Chopin," said Bruce. "I'll play him." "And you, Sylvester?" asked Spielberg. "Mozart's the one for me!" said Sly. "And what about you?" Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger. "I'll be Bach," said Arnie.

Chuck Norris, Arnold Swartzenagger, and Jean Claud VanDam, were talking one day. Chuck Norris asked, "If you were a musician, who would you be?". Chuck Norris said, "I would be Motzart." Jean Claud VanDam said, "I would be Bethoven." Arnold said, "I'll be Bach!"

After being laid off from five different jobs in four months, Arnold was hired by a warehouse. One day he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head and said he'd have to withhold ten percent of Arnold's wages to pay for the repairs. "How much will it cost?" asked Arnold. "About $4,500," said the owner. "What a relief!" exclaimed Arnold.' I've finally got job security!"

Steven Spielberg was discussing his new project - an action docudrama about famous composers starring top movie stars. Sylvester Stallone, Steven Segall, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were all present. Spielberg strongly desired the box office' oomph' of these superstars, so he was prepared to allow them to select whatever composers they would portray, as long as they were very famous.

"Well," started Stallone, "I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him."

"Chopin has always been my favorite, and my image would improve if people saw me playing the piano," said Willis. "I'll play him."

"I've always been partial to Strauss and his waltzes," said Segall. "I'd like to play him."

Spielberg was very pleased with these choices. "Sounds splendid." Then, looking at Schwarzenegger, he asked, "Who do you want to be, Arnold?"

So Arnold says, more...

(Hear are some real answers/comments given by kids about love)
1) HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love." - Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food
will get cold... Other people care more about the food."
- Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are
just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or
they just broke up." - Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." - Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on
fire. They like to order those because it's just like how
their hearts are --- on fire." - Christine, age 9
2) TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your more...

Movie Name and description:
Total Recall - What Arnold Schwarzenegger did to Former CA Gov. Grey Davis.
Kindergarten Cop - What Californians want Arnold to be to the CA legislators.
True Lies - What our legislators say.
Jingle all the Way - The sound of the special interest legislator's deep pockets.
Collateral Damage - What Former CA Gov. Grey Davis called the budget deficit he made.
Terminator - What CA needs.
End of Days - What will happen to the legislators if they don't pass a budget.
Predator - What Former Gov. Grey Davis campaign fundraising skills are called.
Last Action Hero - This Gov. really did save a person's life.
Raw Deal - What the Dems are giving Arnold.
The Running Man - Run Arnold, the Legislators are scary people

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arnold!
Arnold who?
Arnold friend of yours is a friend of mine! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Arnold!
Arnold who?
Arnold friend you haven't seen for years!