Artist Jokes / Recent Jokes
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?" asked the others.
In which the engineer replied, "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work, and wondered if they would increase in value after your death When I told him they would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's great news," the artist said. "What's the bad news?"
"He was your doctor."
Two women at an art exhibition were staring at a painting entitled, 'Home For Lunch'. The painting was of three totally naked, very black men, sitting on a park bench. What was unusual about the painting was that the men on both ends of the bench had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.
The women just stood there in front of it, staring and scratching their heads, trying to figure it out. Just then, the artist walked by and noticed their confusion. "Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.
"Well, yes," one woman said. "We're very curious about the picture of the black men on the bench. Why does the man in the middle have a pink penis?"
"Oh, I'm afraid you've misunderstood the painting," the artist explained. "The three men are not African-Americans, they're coal miners, and the man in the middle went 'Home For Lunch'."
A man walks into a tattoo parlour, and asks the tattoo artist to tattoo a picture of a hundred dollar bill on his penis. The tattoo artist, being a sensitive man, refuses, telling the man that it would be too painful to do that.
The man insists on having it done, so the tattoo artist tells him that if he can come up with three good reasons to have it done, he would do it.
The man tells him, " One, I like to play with my money. Two, I like to watch my money grow. And three, my wife will blow a hundred bucks everyday!"
The wealthy wife of a very successful Jewish businessman went to the portrait artist for her first sitting. The portrait, a gift for her husband. She explained to the artist what she wanted: "You should paint me like I am. These little wrinkles, you put them on your canvas. The lines under my eyes, the flab on my arms, the turn in my nose, and the mole on my cheek, they all stay....BUT on my hands you put lots of rings with big diamonds and emeralds and bright jewels. Around my neck you put chains of gold and diamonds. Do you understand?"
The artist looked at her in earnest and asked why she should want such detail of real life in her physical appearance, but adorn herself with the phony jewelry.
She replied: "When I die my husband will re-marry. The new wife, she should go crazy looking for the jewels".
Some interesting similarities between the Titanic video and the Clinton Grand Jury testimony video:-
Titanic Video: $9.99 on internet
Clinton Video: $9.99 on internet
Titanic Video: Over three hours long
Clinton Video: Over three hours long
Titanic Video: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton Video: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic Video: Villain: White Star Line
Clinton Video: Villain: Ken Starr
Titanic Video: Jack is a starving artist
Clinton Video: Bill is a B.S. artist
Titanic Video: Jack enjoys a good cigar in one part.
Clinton Video: Ditto for Bill
Titanic Video: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
Clinton Video: Ditto for Monica
Titanic Video: Jack teaches Rose to spit.
Clinton Video: Let's not go there
Titanic Video: Rose gets to keep her jewelry
Clinton Video: Monica is forced to return her more...
An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.
"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman enquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."
"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor."