Assembly Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman, desperate for work, applies for a job. The manager goes over her impressive resume but explains that they have nothing worthy of her background. The distraught woman pleads she will take anything. The manager is sympathetic. She is offered a low-skilled job on the Tickle-Me-Elmo assembly line.

Her duties are explained and she is to start the next day. Not even an hour into her first day on the job, there's a frantic knock on the manager's door. The foreman is crazed and drags the manager to the assembly line. Sure enough, things are a royal mess. Elmos are piling up everywhere. At the end of the line is the new worker. She has a bolt of fabric and a large box of marbles. They are both stunned. They watch as she fashions a small bag, inserts two marbles and sews it between Elmo's legs.

Eventually the manager understands what has happened. "Dear woman you misunderstood me yesterday. I just want you to give each Elmo two test tickles."

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the houseI searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.Instructions were studied and we were inspired, In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot! And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot! We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete! Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement! When what to my worrying eyes should appear, But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear, With each part numbered and every slot named, So if we failed, only we could be blamed.More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out, All over the carpet they were scattered about."Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there! Slide on the seats, and staple the stair! Hammer the shelves, and more...

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. Signs are required to be written in English. It is against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. One man may not be on another man's back. Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck.You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words. Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. It is illegal to take a bath of orange peel.Acworth: All citizens must own a rake. Columbus: Can't cut off a chicken's head on Sunday. Columbus: It is illegal to carry a chicken by it's feet down Broadway on Sunday. Gainesville: Chicken must be eaten with the hands. Jonesboro: It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" Kennesaw: Every head of more...

by Tad Deriso

There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone bill is beyond me.

Most computer areas, at your home or at your office, tend to be messy. Even you try to keep it clean, it is truly impossible. Whether it be empty Coke cans laying all around, soldering devices, electric diodes, computer parts, or integrated circuits, it is not only a pain for your mother to look at, but a prime Russian ICBM missile target as well.

There is much detail needed to explain a Hacker. For instance, instead of organizing his clothes by color, best ones, or style, he organizes his by pile. Also, he likes to sing songs such as, "Let's get Digital", "We all live in a yellow subroutine", and "Somewhere over the RAMbow".

Most Hackers do well in school. The reason is not to more...

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage “Some Assembly Required. ”
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie’s town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat….
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can’t get it right, it goes in the basement!
When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.
More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
“Now bolt it! Now twist more...

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the houseI searched for the tools to hand to my spouse. Instructions were studied and we were inspired, In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds, While Dad and I faced the evening with dread: A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot! And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot! We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat.... Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete! Too late for last-minute returns or replacement; If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement! When what to my worrying eyes should appear, But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear, With each part numbered and every slot named, So if we failed, only we could be blamed. More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out, All over the carpet they were scattered about."Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there! Slide on the seats, and staple the stair! Hammer the shelves, more...

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office. You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fighting" words. Members of the state assembly cannot be ticketed for speeding while the state assembly is in session. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs. Signs are required to be written in English. No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday. Acworth All citizens must own a rake. Atlanta Against the law to tie a giraffe to a telephone pole or street lamp. One man may not be on another man`s back. Columbus Can`t cut off a chicken`s head on Sunday. It is illegal to carry a chicken by it`s feet down Broadway on Sunday. Gainesville Chicken must be eaten with the hands. Jonesboro It is illegal to say "Oh, Boy" Kennesaw Every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind. Marietta Though it is illegal to spit from a car or bus, citizens may spit from a truck. St. more...