Assistant Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman enters a butcher shop and asks the counter assistant,"Do you have pigs ears?"The counter assistant replies,"No, its just the way my hair is parted!"

One night, Jim, the Governor's most trusted assistant, passed away in his sleep. The Governor had relied on Jim for advice on every aspect imagineable. Jim had also been his dearest friend. Feeling such a great loss, the Governor was quite upset to see the office workers were wasting no time seeking Jim's job. "Can they not at least wait until the poor man is buried," muttered the Governor.
At Jim's funeral, one of the eager office workers approached the Governor and asked, "Sir, any chance that I could take Jim's place?"
"Definitely!" replied the Governor. "You'd better hurry though, I believe the undertaker is nearly finished."

The Boss asked for a letter describing Bob Smith: Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be executed as soon as possible. A memo was soon sent following the letter: That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines (1, 3, 5, etc...) for my true assessment more...

Administratrium, The New Element

AMES, IA--The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by materials researchers at IPRT/ISU. The new element, tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons, and thus has an atomic weight of 0. However, it does have one neuron, 125 assistant neutrons, 75 vice neutrons, and 111 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together in a nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of particles called morons.

Since it has no electrons, Administratium is totally inert. However, it can be detected chemically, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. According to its discovers, a tiny amount of Administratium caused on reaction to take over four days to complete; the normal reaction time is less than one second.

Administratium has a normal half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually more...

Joe, the Governor`s most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every
subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn`t take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe`s job. "They don`t even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor`s side. "Governor," the man said, "is there a chance that I could
take Joe`s place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you`d better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."

A man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Calgary, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he goes to learn more.

"Can you give me some more details?" he asks the clerk.

The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."

"There's an annual salary of $65,000, but you're going to have to go to Swift Current, Saskatchewan. That's about 550 kilometers from here."

"Good grief, is that where the job is?"

"No sir -- that's where the end of the lineup is right now.

A customer walks into a pharmacy and asks assistant for an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock them. The man insists that he bought his last one from this store. The assistant passes man on to the pharmacist, who explains that store has never stocked such an item. The man explains he bought his last one from this store only weeks agoand has done for several years. The pharmacist asks man to bring in his last purchase and he will try to match the product. The following day, the man returns to the pharmacy and shows the deodorant to the pharmacist. The pharmacist asks why the customer thinks this is an anal deodorant, when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety. The customer explains that instructions on reverse state, "Push up bottom to use."