Assistant Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following coorespondence actually occurred between a London hotel's staff and one of its guests. The London hotel involved submitted this to the Sunday Times. No name was mentioned.
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have bought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you, S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as your requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy, Relief Maid.
Dear Maid,
I hope you are my more...

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant that, if the man returns, to follow him. Sure enough, he comes into the store the next day, repeating his actions once more. The assistant duly follows. Half an hour later, he returns. "So did you follow him?" "I did." "And... where did he go?" "Over to your house!"

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests. The hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times. This is long, but funny!
Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
~~~~~~
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.
Kathy,
Relief more...

A man goes into an adult entertainment shop and asks the assistant for an inflatable doll.
"Would you like male or female?"
"Female, please."
"Would you like Black, or White?"
"White, Please."
"Would you like Christian or Muslim?"
This question confused the man. .. and he replied,
"What has the religion got to do with it? It's an inflatable doll!"
"Well," explained the assistant, "The Pakistani one blows itself up!"

Joe, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Joe for advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe decisions. In addition, Joe had been his closest friend. So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who wanted Joe's job.

"They don't even have the decency to wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "Is there a chance that I could take Joe's place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished."

The following is "rumored" to be a real news story.
LADUE ASSISTANT PRINCIPAL PRAISES STUDENT PRANK OFFERING SCHOOL FOR SALE
By Carolyn Bower [St. Louis] Post-Dispatch Thursday, May 25, 2000 | 7:10 p.m.
A classified advertisement that ran this week in the Post-Dispatch offered what seemed like a deal for those seeking a house in the wealthy St. Louis suburb of Ladue.
For sale by owner: 1201 South Warson Road. Open house May 24. Lavish two-story residence, all brick, renovated bathroom, theater/entertainment room, finished basement, intercom system, tennis court and indoor pool. $550,000/offer.
The catch: The property is Ladue Horton Watkins High School. The open house date was the last day of classes for seniors.
Brad Heger, assistant principal at the school, learned about the ad after he arrived at work Monday and listened to his voice-mail messages.
He got dozens of calls on his private line at school about the offer. Heger called those who had more...

A guy was driving home one evening when he suddenly realizes that it is his daughter's birthday and that he hasn't bought her anything. Out the corner of his eye he sees a shopping mall. Knowing it was "now or never", he pulls his car through three lanes of traffic, finds a parking bay and runs into the mall. After a frantic search he finds a toy store, goes inside and attracts the attention of a shop assistant. When asked what he would like, he simply says "a Barbie doll". The shop assistant looks at him in the particularly condescending manner that only shop assistants can muster up and asks "Which Barbie would that be, sir?" The man looks surprised so the assistant continues "We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie dates BaddTeddy for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Night Clubbing for $19.95, Cyber Barbie for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for more...