Attack Jokes / Recent Jokes

On Friday when asked about Israel’s attack in Lebanon, President Bush candidly replied "that he is in no position to decide if one country should attack another and if so with how much force"
– a statement sure to shock the US troops in Iraq.

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was more...

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa."
The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked.
The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma."
The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack.
Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy."
Now the father was crapping in his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was more...

One night, a father passed by his son's room and heard his son praying: "God bless Mommy, Daddy, and Grandma. Ta ta, Grandpa." The father didn't quite know what this meant, but was glad his son was praying. The next morning, they found Grandpa dead on the floor of a heart attack. The father reassured himself that it was just a coincidence, but was still a bit spooked. The next night, he heard his son praying again: "God bless Mommy and Daddy. Ta ta, Grandma." The father was worried, but decided to wait until morning. Sure enough, the next morning Grandma was on the floor, dead of a heart attack. Really scared now, the father decided to wait outside his son's door the next night. And sure enough, the boy started to pray: "God bless Mommy. Ta ta, Daddy." Now the father was crapping his pants. He stayed up all night, and went to the doctor's early the next day to make sure his health was fine. When he finally came home, his wife was waiting on the porch. She more...

This is Army policy all begins…
Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.
Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it.
Now, turn off the cold water.
Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.
Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the more...

A young lawyer was driving down the road in his new BMW. He had just been made a partner in the firm, and was feeling great about life. Then, all of a sudden he was standing at the pearly gates. "What happened?" he asked. "You died," replied St. Peter. "How did I die, did I get in a wreck?" "No." said Saint Peter. "A heart attack, did I have a heart attack?" "No" was the reply. "Then how did I die?" "You died of old age." said the apostle. "What do you mean I died of old age. I couldn't die of old age! I was only 36!" the young man cried. "According to your billable hours," said St Peter, "you're 112."

Blonde Girl's Blonde Husband
A blond guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises
coming from
the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the
bed, sweating
and panting. "What's going on here?' he says. "I'm having a
heart attack,"
cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but
just as he's
dialing, his 4-year old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy!,
Uncle Ted's
hiding in your wardrobe closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams
the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his
screaming wife,
and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his
brother, totally
naked, cowering on the wardrobe floor. "You IDIOT!!!," says the
husband, "my
wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked
and scaring the
kids."