Attack Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why don't sharks attack lawyers?
...Professional courtesy..

Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.

This is how Army policy all begins... Start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, an ape will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the Banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the apes with cold water. After a while, another ape makes an attempt with the same result - all the apes are sprayed with cold water.Continue until, when another ape tries to climb the stairs, the other apes try to prevent it. Now, turn off the cold water. Now, remove one ape from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his horror, all of the other apes attack him. After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm. more...

Some of the possible headlines for Daily News proposed by the govt media unit for the day following after the Katunayaka airport attack.
1. UNP agents and thugs attack and destroy the airport.
2. Ranil suspected of transporting Terrorists to the airport.
3. President's bravery saves the airport from complete disaster.
4. President parised by the masses for her bravery.
5. General Anuruddha promoted to Field Marshal after fighting alongside Army Commandos and saving lives at the airport.
6. SriLankan airlines aircraft suffer minor damage from small arms fire.
7. PA uncovers plot to assassinate President after Ranil along with UNP agents steal MI-24 Helicopter gunship!!

8. Airforce plane suffer minor damage from the morning blast.

If the enemy is in range, so are you.
Incoming fire has the right of way.
Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.
There is always a way.
The easy way is always mined.
Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.
Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.
Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.
If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.
If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.
Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.
Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.
Never share more...

A married fellow gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting. "What's up?" he asks. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman. He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!" The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor. "You bastard!!!" says the husband. "My wife's having a heart attack, and all you can do is run around the house naked scaring the kids?"

Soldier: "Sir, we are surrounded by the enemies",
SARDAR Major: "Excellent! We can now attack them in any direction"! .