Attack Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises from inside the apartment, walks inside to find his wife on the floor of the living room, naked. Wife yells, "Help, help, I am having a heart attack."
The husband runs in the other room to call the doctor when one of his kids run up to him and says, "Daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet."
The husband opens the closet door and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, God damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scare the kids!"
A man comes home and hears hard breathing female noises frominside the aprtment, walks inside to find his wife on the floorof the living room naked. Wife yells, "help, help, I am havinga heart attack", the husband runs in the other room to call thedoctor when one of his kids run up to him and says "daddy, daddy, there is a naked man in the closet", husband opens the closetdoor and sees his friend Bob. He yells at Bob, "Bob, god damn it, my wife is having a heart attack and here you are trying to scarethe kids"!!!
In 2003, Al-Qaeda almost launched a gas attack on New York City. The attack was called off by Osama bin Laden's #2 man after he realized Bush would use it as an excuse to invade Iran, where his boss has a summer cave.
Harry is on his death bed, his wife Zelda is by his side:"Zelda, you've always been by my side""When I broke my leg at 25; you were by my side""When I had my first heart attack at 45; you were by my side""When I had my second heart attack at 65; you were by my side""When I broke my hip at 75; you were by my side""And now when I'm dying; you are at my side"............"Zelda, you're a fucking jinx!!"
I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades...or a game of fake heart attack.
Forwarded to me through a long chain of email addresses.
This came from a bookmark distributed by De Anza College.
How To Stay Stressed
Although the De Anza Health Office long been an advocate of stress
management, stress, tension, and burnout are still common complaints of
students, faculty, and staff alike. On account of this, we have come to
the following conclusion: YOU ALL WANT TO STAY STRESSED! The following
provides you with a few reasons why.
STRESS HELPS YOU SEEM IMPORTANT. Anyone as stressed as you must be
working very hard and, therefore,
is probably doing something very
crucial.
IT HELPS YOU TO MAINTAIN PERSONAL Anyone as busy as you are certainly
DISTANCE AND AVOID INTIMACY. can't be expected to form emotional
attachments to anyone. And let's
face it, you're not much fun to be
around anyway.
IT HELPS YOU AVOID RESPONSIBILITIES. Obviously you're too stressed to be
given any more work. This gets more...
He'd shown her his etchings, and just about everything else of interest in his apartment and, as Jack poured the last of the Martinis into their glasses, he realized that the moment of truth with Louise had arrived. He decided on the direct verbal attack.
"Tell me," he said smoothly, fingering a lock of her hair, "do you object to making love?"
She turned her lovely eyes up to his. "That's something I've never done," she said.
"Never made love?" cried Jack, appalled at the waste of magnificent raw material.
"No, silly," she said in soft rebuke. "Never objected."