Aussies Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three New Zealanders and three Aussies are travelling by train to a cricket match at the World Cup in England. At the station, the three Aussies each buy a ticket and watch as the three New Zealanders buy just one ticket between them. "How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Aussies. "Watch and learn," answers one of the New Zealanders. They all board the train. The Aussies take their respective seats but all three New Zealanders cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Aussies see this and agree it was quite a clever idea. So after the game, they decide to copy the New Zealanders on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all more...

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can`t possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.


Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for take care of themselves.


Canadians: Believe that that`s the government`s job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.


Canadians: Can`t agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the more...

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.

Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.

Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.


Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.

Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.

Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.


Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.

Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.


Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.

Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the more...

I`ll take the Brits, the Aussies, the Israelis and the rest, for when it comes to valor we have seen that they`re the best.

· Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
· Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
· Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
· Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
· Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
· Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
· Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
· Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
· Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
· Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
· Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
· Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.
· Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one more...