Australian Jokes / Recent Jokes

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:

2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman

One month later, the following things have occurred:

One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.

The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.

The two German men have a strict weekly schedule as to when they alternate with the German woman.

The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for more...

An Australian man was sitting in his favorite restaurant when a Japanese bloke said to him, "I am sick of seeing your big round eyes." The Australian replied, "Put on a blind fold." The Japanese man asked, "Where do I get one? The Australian then said, "Here take my shoe lace."

1. The bigger the hat, the smaller the farm.2. The shorter the nickname, the more they like you.3. Whether it's the opening of Parliament, or the launch of a new art gallery, there is no Australian event that cannot be improved by sausage sizzle.4. If the guy next to you is swearing like a wharfie he's probably a media billionaire. Or, just conceivably, a wharfie.5. There is no food that cannot be improved by the application of tomato sauce.6. On the beach, all Australians hide their keys and wallet by placing them inside their sandshoes. No thief has ever worked this out. We might have very stupid thieves. Or really stinky sand shoes.7. Industrial design knows of no article more useful than the milk crate.8. All our best heroes are losers.9. The alpha male in any group is he who takes the barbecue tongs from the hands of the host and blithely begins turning the snags.10. It's not summer until the steering wheel is too hot to hold.11. A thong is not a piece of scanty swimwear, as in more...

Once, A Scientist Made A Device Which Could Tell If A Person Was Telling Lies Or Not. He Asked Three Persons To Test It. The 1st One Was An Englishman, The 2nd Was An Australian And The 3rd Was A Sardar.
The Englishman Said "I Think I Can Eat 20 Burgers In 1 Minute. The Machine Rang Loudly(It Meant That He Was Telling A Lie)."
Then The Australian Said," I Can Drink 10 Beers In 5 Minutes." The Machine Rang Loudly.
Finally It Was The Sardar's Turn. He Said,"I Think". As Soon As The Sardar Said -I Think-, The Machine Rang Loudly.

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
* 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
* 2 French men and 1 French woman
* 2 German men and 1 German woman
* 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
* 2 English men and 1 English woman
* 2 Polish men and 1 Polish woman
* 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
* 2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
* 2 New Zealander men and 1 New Zealander woman
* 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
* 2 American men and 1 American woman
One month later, the following things have occurred...
* One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
* The two French men and the French woman are living happily together.
* The two German men keep a strict weekly schedule of when each is allowed to spend time with the German woman.
*The two Greek men have the Greek woman cooking and cleaning for them.
* The two English men are waiting for someone to more...

On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
Two Italian men and one Italian woman
Two French men and one French woman
Two German men and one German woman
Two Greek men and one Greek woman
Two English men and one English woman
Two Polish men and one Polish woman
Two Japanese men and one Japanese woman
Two American men and one American woman
Two Australian men and one Australian woman
Two New Zealand men and one New Zealand woman
Two Irish men and one Irish woman
One month later the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The two more...

Santa took a trip to Sydney, Australia. While in a bar, an Autralian on the next stool, spoke to our Santa in a friendly manner.
"Look," he said, "let's have a little game. I'll ask you a riddle. If you can answer it, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't then you buy me one. OK?"
"Yeah, that sounds pretty fair and exciting too," said Santa.
The Australian said, "My father and mother had one child. It wasn't my brother. It wasn't my sister. Who was it?"
Santa scratched his head and finally, when he was tired of thinking, said, "I give up. Who was it?"
"It was me," chortled the Australian.
So Santa paid for the drinks.
Back in Ludhiana Santa went into the bar and spotted Banta, "Hey Banta," he said, "I got a game. If you can answer a question, I'll buy you a drink. If you can't, you have to buy me one. Fair enough?"
"Fair enough," said Banta.
Ok...my parents had more...