Author Jokes / Recent Jokes
The Smith family was very proud of the fact that their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. As a legacy for their children, they hired a top-notch author to research and write a book about their family history.
Much to their horror, it was discovered that Great-uncle Clarence had been executed in the electric chair for committing murder. Devastated, they didn't want that to be revealed in the book, but felt that they didn't want Great-uncle Clarence to be omitted either. After voicing their concerns to the author, he assured them that he could handle everything tactfully.
When the book came out, the section on Great-uncle Clarence read:-
'Great-uncle Clarence occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties and his death came as a great shock.'
[Original Author: Richard Lederer, St Paul's School]
One of the fringe benefits of being an English or History teacher is receiving the occasional jewel of a
student blooper in an essay. I have pasted together the following "history" of the world from certifiably
genuine student bloopers collected by teachers throughout the United States, from eighth grade through
college level. Read carefully, and you will learn a lot.
The inhabitants of ancient Egypt were called mummies. They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by
Camelot. The climate in the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere, so certain areas of
the dessert are cultivated by irritation. The Egyptians built the pyramids in the shape of a huge triangular
cube. The pyramids are a range of mountains between France and Spain.
The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinesses, Adam and Eve were
created from an more...
Proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general Proof.
Proof by intimidation:
"Trivial."
Proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
Proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
Proof by exhaustion:
An issue or two of a journal devoted to your Proof is useful.
Proof by omission:
'The reader may easily supply the details'
"The other 253 cases are analogous"
"..."
Proof by obfuscation:
A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
Proof by wishful citation:
The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
Proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
Proof by eminent authority:
"I saw more...
Never Judge a Book by it's Author
Is O. J. Guilty?... Howard I. Know
Animal Illnesses... Ann Thrax
French Overpopulation... Francis Crowded
Fallen Underwear... Lucy Lastic
Downpour!... Wayne Dwops
Cloning... Ima Dubble
Irish Flooring... Lynn O'Leum
I Lived in Detroit... Helen Earth
Inflammation, Please... Arthur Itis
Handel's Messiah... Ollie Luyah
House Construction... Bill Jerome Home
Unemployed... Anita Job
Off to Market... Tobias A. Pigg
Holmes Does it Again... Scott Linyard
Home Alone IV... Eddie Buddyhome
Lewis Carroll... Alison Wonderland
Leo Tolstoy... Warren Peace
The L. A. Lakers Breakfast...Kareem O' Wheat
Neither a Borrower... Nora Lender Bee
The French Chef... Sue Flay
Tight Situation... Leah Tard
The Scent of a Man... Jim Nasium
Why Cars Stop... M. T. Tank
Wind in the Willows... Russell Ingleaves
Look Younger... Fay Slift
Mountain Climbing... Andover Hand
It's more...
Which author do the Gorillas love most? Joh Steinbeck - who wrote' The Apes of Wrath!'