Author Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Smith's were proud of their family tradition. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower. They had included Senators and Wall Street wizards.

They decided to compile a family history, a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose: how to handle that great-uncle George, who was executed in the electric chair.

The author said he could handle the story tactfully.

When the book appeared, it said "Great-uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a great shock."

Knock Knock
Who's there!
An author!
An author who?
An author joke like this and I'm off!

proof by example:
The author gives only the case n = 2 and suggests that it contains most of the ideas of the general proof.
proof by intimidation:
"Trivial."
proof by vigorous handwaving:
Works well in a classroom or seminar setting.
proof by cumbersome notation:
Best done with access to at least four alphabets and special symbols.
proof by exhaustion:
An issue or two of a journal devoted to your proof is useful.
proof by omission:
"The reader may easily supply the details"
"The other 253 cases are analogous"
"..."
proof by obfuscation:
A long plotless sequence of true and/or meaningless syntactically related statements.
proof by wishful citation:
The author cites the negation, converse, or generalization of a theorem from the literature to support his claims.
proof by funding:
How could three different government agencies be wrong?
proof by more...

This was posted last year and I haven't seen it yet, so I thought I would send it out for those of you who missed it. Sorry, I forgot to save the author's name, etc. (apologies to the author). As the Christmas season draws nigh, foretelling the end of over a full month of Commercial Christmas, there is a special urgency in the spirits of children as they visit toy stores and toy departments all over the country.
It was with particular urgency that little Wilbert dragged his mother to the toy department in a big Los Angeles department store. Mother quickly steered Wilbert into the line of children waiting to talk to Santa, but Wilbert was far more interested in the hobby horse.
As soon as his mother relaxed her vigilance for a moment, Wilbert vanished from the Santa Queue and began rocking back and forth on the hobby horse. His mother noticed his absence, and after a quick, frantic search, spotted him on the horse. She let him rock for a few minutes, then told him it was time more...

One aristocratic clan's ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower, and their lineage included senators, captains of industry and Wall Street wizards.

So proud were they of their family tradition that they decided to compile a family history as a legacy for their children and grandchildren. They hired a fine author. Only one problem arose--how to handle that great-uncle who was executed in the electric chair.

Not to worry, said the author. He could write that chapter of their history tactfully, and indeed, he did.' Great-uncle Henry,' he wrote,' occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution, was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his death came as a real shock.'"

Knock KnockWhos there! An author! An author who? An author joke like this and Im off!

One of many great lines from the movie:' As Good As It Gets'

Scene: Reception area of a major publishing house. Jack Nicholson is best selling romance novel author Melvin Udall, a rather cranky and quirky old guy who really doesn't like people at all. The cute young blond receptionist sees that she has a chance at last to gush over her favorite author and after a ritual bag of compliments asks:

Receptionist: How *do* you write women so well?

Melvin Udall: Quite simply: I think of men, and I take away reason and accountability.