Author Jokes / Recent Jokes

1 When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.
2 Blue water Navy truism; There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.
3 Never trade luck for skill.
4 The three most common expressions (or, famous last words) in aviation are, "Why is it doing that?"; "Where are we?" and "Ooh Shit!"
5 Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.
6 Progress in airline flying; Now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.
7 Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.
8 A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication.
9 I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.
10 Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!
11 If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter - and therefore, more...

They recently discovered a smaller scroll hidden in the cylinder of the
first scroll of the ancient Biblical scriptures, believed to be the
actual "first page" of the Bible. When deciphered, it read:
"Copyright (c) 300 B.C. God. All Rights Reserved
First scrawling First-Sunrise-After-Stonehenge-Keystone-
Is-Shadowed, 300 B.C.
All beings, places and events depicted in this work are
fictional, and any resemblance to actual beings, places
and events past, present or future is purely coincidental.
WARNING: Some of the actions performed in this work are
dangerous and should only be attempted by professionals
familiar with the action in question.
NOTE: Those tiny points of light in the sky when it gets dark
are called 'stars'. Some of them do blow up on occasion. In
no way should this be construed as a sign that there is,
beneath such an explosion, any form of saviour. Should such a
misconstrual happen, the more...

There was once a beautiful woman named Rebecca who lived with 3 men: an author, an artist, and a blind man.They each visited her once a day. One day Rebecca was taking a shower when she heard a knock at the door, so she put on a towel and answered the door.
It turned out to be the artist. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a masterpiece." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door.
Right when Rebecca was getting back in the shower, she heard another knock so she put her towel back on and it was the author. He said, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I have just finished a new best-seller." Rebecca congratulated him, then closed the door.
Rebecca got back in the shower and 15 minutes later she heard another knock. She figured it had to be the blind man so she didn't have to put on her towel and she answered the door. She was right; it was the blind man, and he said to her, "Congratulate me, congratulate me! I can more...