Axe Jokes

Must Read for Every Man and of course Woman (to understand man) If a female is reading this article then just realize the value of a man; and if its a male then feel proud of after reading it! "One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, " Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water, and he needed the axe to make his living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe? " the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No. " The Lord again went down and came up with a silver Axe. " Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, " No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron Axe. " Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes. " The Lord was pleased with the man`s honesty and gave him all more...

Joe, the neighborhood chronic borrower approached his neighbor, "Ray, may I borrow your axe?" "Not today," Ray replied, "I have to make soup." "What kind of excuse it that?!" demanded Joe. "Well," confessed Ray, "I admit its a lousy excuse. But, if I don't want to loan you my axe, one excuse is as good as another."

Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day. The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine. As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?" "Head up," said the doctor. "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free. Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" said the executioner. "Head up." "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the more...

A saw mill advertises for a timber worker. A skinny little bloke shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head timber worker takes one look at the puny bloke and tells him to get lost.
"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the little guy.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the foreman. "Take your axe and cut it down."
The little bloke heads for the tree and in five minutes he's knocking on the foreman's door. "I cut the tree down," says the bloke.
The foreman can't believe his eyes and says,"Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Great Australian Forest," says the little fella.
"You mean the Great Australian Desert," says the foreman.
"Sure! That's what they call it now!"

The axe soon forgets, but the tree always remembers.