Babe Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hey babe lets make a bunk bed you be on bottom I be on top

Who do they get for Babe the pig's dangerous movie scenes? A stunt ham.

PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"

MARY, MARY, QUITE CONTRARY'S MOTHER: "I don't mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"

MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"

HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"

COLUMBUS' MOTHER: "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"

BABE RUTH'S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you -- quit playing ball in the house! That's the third broken window this week!"

MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER: "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that more...

Throughout the centuries, mothers have been given their children plenty of good advice and notable quotes. Here`s just a small humorous sampling:PAUL REVERE`S MOTHER: "I don`t care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"MARY,MARY, QUITE CONTRARY`S MOTHER: "I don`t mind you having a garden, Mary, but does it have to be growing under your bed?"MONA LISA`S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that`s the biggest smile you can give us?"HUMPTY DUMPTY`S MOTHER: "Humpty, If I`ve told you once, I`ve told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"COLUMBUS`S MOTHER: "I don`t care what you`ve discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"BABE RUTH`S MOTHER: "Babe, how many times have I told you -- quit playing ball in the house! That`s the third broken window this week!"MICHELANGELO`S MOTHER: "Mike, can`t you paint on more...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN.
She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE.
She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.
She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION.
She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.
She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION.
She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT.
She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER.
She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED.
She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED.
She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED.
She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED.
She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE.
She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY more...

Guess the following movie quotes. All movies were released between the years 1980 and 1989. Comedies, dramas, action, etc. Some are quite simple, and others are more difficult.

There are 37 items, followed by the answers at the bottom, so you may wish to save reading this for a less hectic portion of your day.

1) Joey, have you ever been in a Turkish prison?

2) We're on a mission from God.

3) People on' ludes should not drive.

4) This house is clean.

5) Shall we play a game?

6) Terrific!! I've got a trig mid-term tomorrow, and I'm being chased by Guido the killer pimp.

7) Back off man, I'm a scientist.

8) That's why they call them crushes. If they were easy, they'd call them something else.

9) I know a little German. He's sitting over there.

10) Can I borrow your towel, my car just hit a water buffalo.

11) Excuse me, Dick, I mean Rich, will milk be more...

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:She is not a BABE or a CHICK - She is a BREASTED AMERICAN. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER She is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. She is not EASY - She is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. She does not TEASE or FLIRT - She engages in ARTIFICIAL STIMULATION. She is not DUMB - She is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She has not BEEN AROUND - She is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She does not GET YOU EXCITED - She causes TEMPORARY BLOOD DISPLACEMENT. She is not KINKY - She is a CREATIVE CARETAKER. She does not have a KILLER BODY - She is TERMINALLY ATTRACTIVE. She is not an AIRHEAD - She is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY - She gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She is not HORNY - She is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS - She is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. She does not NAG YOU - She becomes VERBALLY REPETITIVE. She is not a SLUT - She is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. She does not have MAJOR LEAGUE HOOTERS - She is PECTORALLY more...