Backwards Jokes / Recent Jokes
This is especially for those lads who are planning to ski this year....
A friend just got back from a holiday ski trip to Utah with the kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart. Conditions were perfect, 12 below, no feeling in the toes, basic numbness all over. The "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in dire need of a restroom. He told her not to worry, that he was sure there was relief at the top of the lift in the form of a powder room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below zero doesn't help matters. So with time running out, she weighed her options.
Her husband, picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was wearing an all white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods. No one more...
Feeling stressed out? Try some of these relaxation techniques...
Jam some tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.
(This one is great to teach family members!)
Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.
(This one is guaranteed to keep cats and men occupied for awhile.)
Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.
(Even better if you call after doing it and say you didn't authorize it and want to know what the hell is going on!)
Take a box of condoms up to the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.
(If she's really attractive, be sure to ask if assistance in available.)
Put your kid's clothes on backwards, and send him/her off to school as if nothing's wrong.
(Creativity is a real possibility here - especially if you put a dress on your son.)
Dance naked in front of your pets.
(Not recommended for anyone who has a pet Gorilla!)
Read the dictionary backwards and look for subliminal more...
Stressed out... try some of these relaxing tidbits: )1. Jam tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out.(This one is great to teach neices and nephews!)2. Use your Mastercard to pay your Visa bill.(Even better to call after doing it and say you didn't authorize it and want to know what the hell is going on!)3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on.(This one keeps cats and men occupied for awhile.)4. When someone says "Have a nice day" tell them you have other plans.(Like going the store to stock up on ammunition maybe?)5. Get a box of condoms. Wait in line at the check-out counter and ask the cashier where the fitting rooms are.(And if she's cute, always ask if assistance is available.)6. Dance naked in front of your pets.(Not recommended for anyone with a pet Gorilla.)7. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards, and send him/her off to school as if nothing is wrong.(You can get real creative here... especially if you put a dress on your son.)8. Read the more...
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.
The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!
So, how did you break YOUR leg??"
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom. No facilities nearby, she decided to find a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards. Out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. Her doctor walked into her room laughing his head off. He said,"You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain! So, how did you break YOUR leg??"
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A: A new age song.
Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.
Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art.
Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover?
A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole.
After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible.
Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.
A lady went skiing and halfway down the hill had to go to the bathroom.
No facilities nearby, she found a sheltered area, dropped her pants and proceeded to relieve herself.
Suddenly she found herself beginning to slide backwards, out into the open and down the slope with her pants around her knees. She crashed and broke her leg.
The paramedics rushed her to the local hospital. The doctor walked into her room.
Laughing hysterically, he said, "You're not going to believe this, but the guy in the next room claims he fell off the ski lift and broke his leg because he saw a naked lady skiing backwards down the mountain!"
As he began to compose himself, he asked, "So, how did you break YOUR leg??"