Backwards Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Polak saw a priest walking down the street. Noticing his collar, he stopped him and said, "Excuse me, but why are you wearing your shirt backwards?" The priest laughed, "Because, my son, I am a Father!"The Polak scratched his head. "But I am a father too, and I don't wear my shirt backwards!"Again the priest laughed. "But I am a Father of thousands!"To which the Polak replied, "Well then you should wear your shorts backwards!"
A man was walking past a grave yard and he heard one of Beethoven's symphoney's playing backwards.He thought to himself "That's wierd" and kept walking.
The next day the same man walked past the same cemetary and heard another one of Beethoven's symphony's playing backward's. He thought to himself "Now that's REALLY wierd!" and kept going.
THe next day the same man was once again walking past the same cemetary and heard "Ode to Joy" playing backwards. The man said "I can't take this any more!" he walked up to the caretaker and asked, "What is going on around here?!" the caretaker answered, "Oh, that's just Beethoven decomposing."
A wife was getting pretty upset about her husband's lack of attention and decided to come on a little stronger to him. After dinner, she put on her sexy, backless nightgown backwards so her tits were showing and sauntered into the living room. "Notice anything?" she asked slyly. "Yes, you've got your nightgown on backwards," her husband answered simply. "How could you tell?" she cooed. "Because the skidmarks are at the front."
(Please don't try this at home)
August, 1998, Montevideo, Uruguay
Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone.
Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth,' 'I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward's and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket.''
However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics more...
Two old women were talking and exchanging personal notes on their sexual activities. The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she gets her husband all excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed and putting both legs behind her head, yoga style.
The second old woman thought this sounded like a wonderful idea, so that night when her husband went into the bathroom to ready himself for bed, she got totally naked and began the process of putting her legs behind her head.
Being arthritic, she found it kind of tough to get the first leg in place, but finally, she succeeded. She found it even tougher to do it with the second leg, so she rocked herself backwards until she managed to get it behind her head. However, she had rocked just a little bit too hard so that she flipped slightly backwards and ended up with her butt sticking straight up in the air.
It was just then that her husband came out of the bathroom.
"Hazel!" he exclaimed. more...
Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates. Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club. Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves. Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.
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Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad. Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad. Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.
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Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box. Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels. Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 5 channels. Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.
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Americans: Love to watch sports on the idiot box. Brits: Love to watch sports in stadiums so they can fight with other more...
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards? A: A new age song. Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards? A: You get your job and your wife back. Disco is to music what Etch-A-Sketch is to art. Q: How can you tell someone is a true music lover? A: When they even put their ear up to the bathroom keyhole. After silence, music comes closest to expressing the inexpressible. Music is the only sensual pleasure without vice.