Backyard Jokes / Recent Jokes

Stacz looked over the backyard fence and admired Fred's wife while she sunbathed topless. The next day, Stacz corners his neighbor on the driveway saying, "Na, na, na, na. I saw your wife sunbathing in the backyard without her top on yesterday."
Fred was quite put out over the peeping incident and told Stacz he planned revenge.
That very evening, Fred noticed that Stacz' bedroom shades were up. Upon closer inspection, he notices Stacz' wife in the act of performing oral sex.
The very next day Fred calls out to Stacz, "Hey, Stacz, I saw your wife giving you a blowjob last night."
Stacz replies, "Na, na, na, na. I wasn't home last night."

STANDARD BACKYARD CRICKET RULES

Can't Get Out First Ball: Curious rule introduced to give the token unco bastard a reprieve. Smart-arse batsmen use it to hone their reverse sweep - which becomes interesting when smart-arse bowlers use it to hone their beamer.

Caught Behind: Since no-one has the desire or the reflexes to stand in the slips cordon, an edge onto the back fence constitutes instant dismissal. Has signalled the death of the late cut.

One Hand, One Bounce: This popular innovation (When a fielder can dismiss a batsman by catching the ball in one hand on the first bounce)is essential to the very fabric of the sport. Importantly, it means a game can be organised with a minimum of players. More importantly, it means you don't have to put your beer down.

No LBW: When no umpires are available (or trustworthy), the only option is to can the LBW rule altogether, ensuring cagey batsmen shuffle across the crease as if test driving a Zimmer more...

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.
So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?"
"Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash."
"What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women.
"Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry*!"

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?""Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash.""What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women."Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry*!"

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie's. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains. So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, "Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?" "Well," says Sophie, "when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it's going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it's going to rain, so I don't hang out the wash." "What if he has an erection?" asks one of the women." Honey," says Sophie, "on a day like *that*, you don't do the *laundry*!"

A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named "Mace" who had the bad habit of eating all the grass on the lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace locked up, and the yard became overgrown.
One day, while working on a car in his backyard as evening approached he dropped his wrench, which immediately disappeared in the tall grass. That very night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard.
Early the next morning, the mechanic went outside and discovered his lost wrench glinting in the sunlight! Realizing what had happened he looked up to the heavens and proclaimed, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me!"

A little kid comes running into the backyard.He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!""Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."