Backyard Jokes / Recent Jokes

This is a true essay written by a Bihari candidate at
the UPSC(IAS)Examinations. candidate has written an essay on the Indian cow
You will forget your English by the time you finish
reading this.
Indian Cow
HE IS THE COW. "The cow is a successful animal. Also he is 4 footed, And because he is female, he give milks, [ but will do so when he is got child.] He is same like God, sacred to Hindus and useful to man.
But he has got four legs together. Two are forward and two are afterwards.
His whole body can be utilised for use. More so the
milk. Milk comes from 4 taps attached to his basement. [ horses dont have any such
attachment ]
What can it do? Various butter, cream, curd, why
and the condensed milk and so forth. Also he is useful to cobbler, watermans and mankind generally.
His motion is slow only because he is of lazy
species.Also his other motion.. [from the backyard] is much
useful to trees, plants as well as for making more...

Two boys camping out in a backyard wanted to know the time, so they began singing at the top of their voices. Eventually one of the neighbours threw open his window and shouted down at them "Hey, less noise!, don't you know it's three o'clock in the morning!"

A backyard barbecue draws two things...flies and relatives.

A Little Johnny went to sit on Santa's lap, and Santa asked him what he wanted
for Christmas.

Little Johnny answered, "A damn swingset in the backyard."

"Excuse me?" said Santa.

"I want a damn swingset in my backyard," repeated Little Johnny.

Santa said, "You'll have to ask nicer if you want Santa to bring you something.
Let's try again. What else do you want?"

Little Johnny answered, "A damn sandbox for the side yard."

"You have to ask politely! One more time. What else do you want for Christmas?"

Little Johnny thought for a minute, then said, "I want a damn trampoline in
the front yard."

Santa sighed and set Little Johnny off his lap. "I'm sorry son, I can't give
anything to someone who talks like you do. I'm not bringing you anything for
Christmas."

Santa then called Johnny's more...

A group from Chicago spent a weekend gambling in Las Vegas. One of the men on that trip won $100, 000. He didn't want anyone to know about it, so he decided not to return with the others, but took a later plane home - arriving back 3 a. m.

He immediately went out to the backyard of his house, dug a hole and planted the money in it. The following morning he walked outside and found only an empty hole.

He noticed footsteps leading from the hole to the house next door, which was owned by a deaf-mute. On the same street lived a professor who understood sign language and was a friend of the deaf man.

Grabbing his pistol, the enraged man went to awaken the professor and dragged him to the deaf man's house. "You tell this guy that if he doesn't give me back my $100, 000 I'm going to kill him!" he screamed at the professor.

The professor conveyed the message to his friend, and his friend replied in sign language, "I hid it in my more...

A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the mutt replies.

"So, what's your story?"

The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered this gift pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be
eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running."

"The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down."

"So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious more...

This really happened. 8-)
A woman with a broken ankle was gingerly hobbling along on crutches
as she attempted to walk her dog. Because of her handicap, however,
she was having a lot of trouble keeping the dog under control.
Finally, the dog lunged forward, the leash slipped out of her
hand, and the dog went running down the street. She called and
called, but the dog wouldn't come back. Since she couldn't chase
after it, she eventually gave up and went home.
A couple of hours later she heard something scratching at the door.
When she went to the door she found her dog standing there with a
dead rabbit in its mouth. Upon closer inspection, she realized it
was the neighbors' pet rabbit. She knew she would never be able
to tell them what happened, and since they were out of town for the
weekend, she hit upon a plan.
She took the rabbit into the bathroom, washed it off, and blew
its fur dry. Then she took the rabbit back to the more...