Bagels Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: TWO BAGELS WERE WALKING DOWN THE STREET. WHAT HAPPENED TO ONE OF THE BAGELS?
A: ONE WAS ASSAULTED.

JIM BARLOW - Houston Chronicle (c) - Writes:
Really, no foolin', this stuff is weird.
Since this is April Fools' Day, what better time for yet another installment of Weird Business News?
Yep, time for another look at the sometimes wacky world of commerce.
ABC Namebank, a New York City firm that helps businesses come up with suitably salable company names, took a look at popular nomenclature for firms on the World Wide Web.
The No. 1 Internet company name included the word "web." There were 8,783 names such as Webtron, USWeb and Webtech. Next came "link" - 7,901 examples such as Linknet and Worldlink.
Other popular key naming words include: first, 5,384; net, 4,426; data, 3,335; view, 2,815 and media, 1,254.
So obviously my new Internet business will be named Firstview Datalink Mediaweb.
Our Worst Food Idea Award goes to Einstein Brothers Bagels, which for St. Patrick's Day sold green bagels at its 225 stores. Here's my green bagel. more...

A German comes to London and stays with Maurice and his family. The first morning they all have breakfast together and have bagels. The German exclaims "Wow we don't have bagels like this in Germany." To which Maurice stands up and yells "And who's fault is that?"

Here's the background:
Bill works in a coffee, bagels, and sandwiches trailer on the campus of CSUC; Chuck is his boss and the owner of the truck, and yes, according to Bill, this actually happened. (Chuck is telling the story).
Her: Yes, I'd like a milk with some coffee in it.
Me: So, that's just a splash of coffee in a milk?
Her: No, a regular amount of milk, but not coffee.
Me: Is there more milk or coffee?
Her: Oh, definitely more coffee.
Me: So that's a coffee with some extra milk.
Her: Just the usual amount of milk.
Me: A coffee with milk.
Her: Yes.
Me: Anything else?
Her: A little extra milk and do you have coffee with no caffeine?
Me: We do have decaf.
Her: No, I don't want decaf, just some coffee without the caffeine.
Me: Ma'am, that's what decaf means, no caffeine.
Her: Oh, then do you have milk with no caffeine?
Me: Milk doesn't come with caffeine.
Her: Yes, it does.
Me: Not that I know of. Where do more...