Balls Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: Why do cats eat fur balls? - A: Because they love a good gag!

No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summmer and, eventually, a lifetime. Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instuctor. Every par-three hole in the world has a more...

An American couple, vacationing with some friends in Mexico, were shopping at the market for some souvenirs. Time passed, and they realized that neither of them was wearing a watch. They noticed a little Mexican man taking a siesta next to a mule, which happened to have the largest set of mule nuts they had ever seen.
Doing their best to avoid staring at the enormous mule nuts, they asked the little Mexican man if he could tell them what the time was.
The little Mexican man reached his hand under the huge set of mule balls and, lifting them high, said, "It's 3 o'clock."
Amazed by this, the American couple ran off to find their friends to tell them what they had just witnessed. "You aren't going to believe this," they told their friends, "but, there's a little Mexican man over there who can tell the time by lifting his mule's balls!"
Curious, although somewhat skeptical, the friends wanted to see this first-hand, so they went back and asked more...

A Christmas tree is always erect.
Even small ones give satisfaction.
A Christmas tree stays up for 12 days and nights.
A Christmas tree always looks good - even when it's lit.
A Christmas tree is always happy with its size.
A Christmas tree has cute balls.
You can throw a Christmas tree out when it wears out.
You don't have to put up with a Christmas tree all year.
A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you break one of its balls.
You only have to feed/water it once a week.
It's always there to light up your life.
It gets turned on only when you want it turned on.
It always smells nice and doesn't pass gas.
If it needles you, you can toss it out.
It doesn't ask you to have little Christmas trees.

Mouse Balls

Some of the best humor is real-to-life. This story was related to me yesterday by the pastor himself (not a computer literate person by his own admission) as he told of a real phone call he received from the church secretary last week.

Secretary: Pastor, we've got a problem in the computer lab where you met with the confirmation class last week. Some of the boys in the class started messing with the mice.

Pastor: What?!?! {thinking: we've got mice in there????}

Secretary: Yeah, it seems some of the boys removed their balls.

Pastor: {incredulously:} Th..th...they did what?????? How in the world did they do that?

Secretary: They must have used a screwdriver or something.

Pastor: We've got some pretty sick boys... I... I... didn't even realize mice had balls...

Secretary: Yeah, they roll around on' em.

Pastor: What?????? {still thinking of the little fury real animals} more...

there is three soliders and they all want to go home. so the capitin says who ever can bring back the most ping pong balls wins and gets to go home. so the first solider goes out for about 1 hour and comes back with a wheel barrow full of ping pong balls. so the capitin says good job solider. the second solider goes out and is gone for 8 hours and comes back with a diesl trailer full of ping pong balls. capitin says great job solider. so the third solider leaves and comes back 30 minutes later bruised and beat up and bleeding and he has a sack over his sholder.
Capitin goes where are your ping pong balls!!
Solider goes ping pong balls i thought you said king kongs balls!!!

One day, the teacher walks into her classroom and announces to the class that on each Friday, she will ask a question to the class and anyone who answers correctly doesn't have to go to school the following Monday. On the first Friday, the teacher asks, "How many grains of sand are in the beach?" Needless to say, no one could answer.

The following Friday, the teacher asks the class, "How many stars are in the sky?" and again no one could answer. Frustrated, little Johnny decides that the next Friday, he would somehow answer the question and get a 3 day weekend. So Thursday night, Johnny takes two ping-pong balls and paints them black. The next day, he brings them to school in a paper bag. At the end of the day, just when the teacher says, "Here's this week's question," Johnny empties the bag to the floor sending the ping-pong balls rolling to the front of the room. Because they are young kids who find any disruption of class amusing, the entire more...