Barman Jokes / Recent Jokes
a man walked into a pub and saw a donkey in a corner with a sign round his neck he asked the barman what it was about he said if u can do it you get the money in the jar near the donkey.so the man went over to the donkey read the sign and whispered in his ear and made him laugh so he took the money.the next nite the man came into the bar and saw the donkey with a different sign so the bar man said the same so he went over and looked at the sign and whispered in his ear and made the donkey cry and took the money, then he was just about to walk out when the barman stopped him and said what did u tell the donkey to win the money twice he said the first time i read the sign it said if u had a bigger cock than him u win money yeah said the barman and man said i did so i took the money and second said the barman i made him cry said the man cos i proved it
One day, a man went into a bar, looked at the barman and ordered a double whisky. He drank it quickly and ordered another one. The barman leaned over and asked him "Are you all right mate?" and then man put down his glass and said "No, I am bloody well not! I've had the worst day of my life!!" and the barman says "Tell me about it". So the man starts his story.
"It all began when I was round this womans house, and me and her were having sex. Then I hear this noise and its her goddamn husband!! So I panic, throw my clothes on, and I jump out the window, and hang on by my fingertips!!"
"Gee" says the Barman "Thats pretty bad"
"You haven't heard the half of it!!" said the man "Next, her husband jumps in bed with her, has sex with her, and when he's finished he tosses the condom out the window and it lands of my goddamn head!!"
"Woah" says the barman "I can see why you're more...
A man walks into and sits down at the bar. He picks up some peanuts and eats them. The peanuts (as he's eating them) say " You are a really handsome man, I'm so pleased to be eaten by someone as intelligent, goodlooking and charming as you".
After a couple of drinks the man goes to the cigarette machine, on putting his money in the machine shouts " What the hell are YOU doing here? We don't want people like you in this place, get out you obnoxious piece of filth!!"
On hearing this the man complains to the barman. The barman explains " I'm VERY sorry sir, the peanuts are complimentary but the cigarette machine is out of order.
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman, “Give me six double vodka. ”
The barman says, “Wow! you must have had one hell of a day. ” “Yes, I’ve just found out my older brother is gay. ”
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, “I’ve just found out that my younger brother is gay too! ”
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said “Jesus! Doesn’t anybody in your family like women? ”
“Yeah, my wife! ”
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah, my wife..."
A guy and his wife walked into a bar one day, the wife takes a seat and the guy goes up to the bar.
The barman goes over to the guy and asks him what he wants, the guy replies”, I’ll have a bottle of bud and an orange juice for the jackass”.
The barman looks at the guy puzzled but say’s nothing and gives the guy his drink. this happens twice more.
A couple of hours pass and the guy goes to the mens room and his wife goes up to the bar. This time she orders the drinks.
The barman gets the drinks and says, “it’s probably none of my business, but I think you should know that your husband has been referring to you as the jackass. I just had to tell you because I dont think it’s very fair for him to call you that”.
The woman turns to him and smiles and says…
“Oh, dont worry, it’s ok - heaw, heaw, he always calls me that”!
one day a fat lady walks into a bar with a pig under her arm. The barman says hey where did you get the cow from? and the fat lady says back excuse me its not a cow its a pig! and the barman replies i wasnt talking to you i was talking to the pig!!!