Barrier Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rule OneIf you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule TwoYou do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule ThreeI am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your more...

To ensure that you have a good time on your trip to Australia, your team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours. Agenda follows:
Day 1: The "10 Deadliest Snakes" Fall Tour
You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world's 10 most deadly snakes.
Day 2: The "Great White Encounter"
You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and experience the beauty of the Great White shark.
Day 3: The Aboriginal "Festival of Spears"
You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebrate the subjugation of the aboriginal race by the white man, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.
Day 4: The "Crocodile Dundee" Petting Zoo
You will be able to come up-close and personal with the more...

October 14, 1947 - Pilot Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X One rocket plane and became the first person to break the sound barrier.
BREAKING THE SOUND BARIER?
The New York Times reports that Nathan P. Myhrvold, Microsoft's chief technology officer, working with a paleontologist, has developed a computer model that provides evidence that some dinosaurs may have been able to use their tails like bull whips, creating a cannon-like sonic boom by exceeding the speed of sound with the last few inches of the tail. Thus, dinosaurs, and not Chuck Yeager, may have been the first life forms on the planet to break the sound barrier.
It struck me as somehow appropriate that Microsoft's CTO would concern himself with how to make a dinosaur go so fast. Sandy (AKA Ms Sam)
Chuckles Of Choice Web Site

One brisk day in fall, on his first day as a law student at a small law school in a small town, John drove his car down the street, when he came upon a barrier blocking his entry to a street he wanted to go down. A police officer was standing in front of the barrier, directing traffic.

"Excuse me, Officer," John called. "I need to go down this street."

"Well, you can't," the police officer replied. "There has been an crime committed here, and this street is off limits." John acquiesced, and turned down the side street.

However, a few minutes later, John was back, this time on a bicycle.

"Can I pass through if I am on a bike?" he asked.

"I don't think you understand," the officer replied. "You are not going down this street on any vehicle of any kind."

"OK," John said, and left. However, a while later, he was back, this time on foot. He tried more...

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers more...

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME_____________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH_____________

HEIGHT___________ WEIGHT____________ IQ__________ GPA Grid_____________

INCOME TAX FILE NUMBER _________________ DRIVERS LICENCE ________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES__________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS_______________________ STATE___________ POSTCODE______

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
Is one male and the other female? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain: _____________________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married ______________________________

If less than more...

Language barrier
One Succoth, as two African Americans are standing on Brooklyn Bridge, Moishe walks past carrying a Luluv and Estrog.
"Hey man, Jew, where you goin` with that palm tree and that lemon?" they ask.
"I`m going to shul." Moishe replied.
"What`s ‘shul’?" they ask.
"Well, come with me and I`ll show you." Moishe said.
So one goes with Moishe to synagogue and later returns to his friend after services.
"Dem Jews is crazy," he says. "First dey says `oh no,` den dey says `Ah don` know` and den dey says `How sh`Ah know?`"