Bars Jokes / Recent Jokes

You Know You're From Canada When...
1.) You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk."
2.) You understand the phrase, "Could you pass me a serviette, I just dropped my poutine, on the chesterfield."
3.) You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars.
4.) You drink pop, not soda.
5.) You know what a Mickey and 2-4 mean.
6.) You don't care about the fuss with Cuba. It's a cheap place to go for your holidays, with good cigars.
7.) You know that a pike is a type of fish, not part of a highway.
8.) You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
9.) You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
10.) You know that Casey and Finnegan were not part of a Celtic musical group.
11.) You get excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
12.) You brag to Americans that: Shania Twain, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion and many more are Canadians.
13.) You know that the C.E.O. of American Airlines is a Canadian!
14.) You know more...

What to do With Hotel Soap

The following letters were taken from an actual incident
between a London hotel and one of its guests.

Dear Maid,
Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom
since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the six
unopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another
three in the shower soap dish. They are in my way.
Thank you,
S. Berman
Dear Room 635,
I am not your regular maid. She will be back tomorrow, Thursday, from her
day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dish as you
requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top
of your Kleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This
leaves only the 3 bars I left today which my instructions from the
management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this is satisfactory.

Kathy, Relief Maid

Dear more...

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color.
You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You know what a toque is.
You've plugged a car in overnight.
You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun.

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.
The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?"
Nah...they were white, her husband replied.
Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?
No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!
So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.
So he thinks a bit and then pops up - " I got it! ".
We'll go as Heshey Bars!
"Heshey bars?" replies his wife..."are you nuts!"
Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!

Like a prison without bars and a porn mag lying on the floor - such is the internet.

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?"Nah...they were white, her husband replied.Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy? No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles! So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.So he thinks a bit and then pops up - " I got it! ".We'll go as Heshey Bars!"Heshey bars?" replies his wife..."are you nuts!"Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!

A black couple we're invited to a Halloween party and were trying to decide what to dress up as.

The wife says, "how about Hanzel and Gretel?"
Nah... they were white, her husband replied.

Ok, how about Raggedy Ann and Andy?
No way! They're white too and have huge ugly freckles!

So the wife tells her husband to think of something since he always has a smart remark for her choices.

So he thinks a bit and then pops up - " I got it! ".
We'll go as Heshey Bars!

"Heshey bars?" replies his wife..."are you nuts!"

Exactly! One with nuts, and one without!