Baseball Jokes / Recent Jokes

Barry Bonds and his wife are divorcing. Maybe he’s not taking as many performance enhancing drugs as we thought.

Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary. Baseball very funny game--man with 4 balls no can walk!! Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom. Woman who fly plane upside down have crackup. Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day. Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk. A girl's best asset is her' lie'ability. Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have! Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night. (hehehe - ^v^) Man who run behind car get exhausted. Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger. Man with athletic finger make broad jump. He who fishes in another man's well often catches crab. Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons. Man who lose key to apartment not get new key. He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise. Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert. Wash your face in the morning, neck at night. He who eats too many prunes, sits on more...

You might be a redneck if...
You think "Country & Western" covers both types of music.
You've ever used a hangnail as a tooth pick.
You can chew your own toenails.
You've ever used an inner-tube patch on your jeans.
You want the opening day of deer hunting season to be declared a national holiday.
Someone knocks on your front door and your back door rattles.
You let goldenrod grow in your yard because it looks so pretty.
You've ever absent-mindedly nibbled on your live bait... and didn't spit it out.
Your best Sunday clothes include your John Deere baseball cap.
You go to a wedding or any formal party and ask someone to pull your finger.
Your friend tells you he went online last night, and you think he took a drunk driving test.
Your mama has more tattoos than you do.
You think the ATM machine is a giant, public calculator.
Your favorite cologne smells like exhaust.
You think its okay to have your 6 year old babysit more...

In honor of Roger Clemens',45, return, the Yankees have replaced the 7-th inning stretch with the 7-th inning nap and begun an early-bird special at the snack bar.

Clemens is a finalist for the Comeback Prostate of the Year Award, along with Julio Franco and Randy Johnson.

The Washington Nationals have reeled off 8 straight wins, their longest win streak in four years. Their second longest win streak in that time is one. The streak includes two sweeps, three huge come from behind victories, and four Mets fans shooting themselves.

A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet. One day the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet, as well. Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?" "Yes it is," the man replies." You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks." No thanks," the man replies." I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues." OK. How much?" the man replies after considering the position he was in." Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies." TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive", but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price. The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway and, again, places her lover in the closet with her little boy." It's dark in here, isn't it?" more...

Colorful Tigers hurler Mark Fidrych has passed away at the age of 54. Sadly, baseballs around America now have no one to talk to.