Baseball Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two boys are playing hockey on an inlet on a pond in suburban Chicago when one is attacker by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick and wedges it down the dog's collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck. A reporter who is strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to the boy. "Young White Sox Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook."But I'm not a Sox fan," the little hero replied."Sorry, since we are in Chicago, I just assumed you were," said the reporter, and he began writing again."Cubs Fan Rescues Friends from Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook."I'm not a Cubs fan either," the boy said."I assumed everyone in Chicago was either for the Cubs or the Sox. What team do you root for?" inquired the reporter. "I'm a Yankees fan," the child responded.The reporter turned the page in his notebook and wrote "Little Brat from New York more...

Some things I've learned from my children:
Super glue "is" forever.
No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water. Pool filters "do not like Jell-O!"
A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. foot house 4 inches deep.
Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a superman cape. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of 20 by 20 foot room.
You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way. And the glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
Certain Legos will pass through the digestive more...

What is the difference between Mel Rojas and UPS?UPS knows how to throw a strike.

Your Momma's like a Baseball Game, you have too get to first base before you can get to third!

A person reviewing people in an insane asylum walks around and is pleased with what he sees. He starts to review patients to see what they will do when they get out.
He walks up to the first guy and sees him throwing a football around. He automatically knows that he wants to be a football player.
He walks up to another guy and sees him throwing a baseball around. He could automatically tell that he wanted to be a baseball player.
He walks to the next cell and sees a man with his dick in a bowl of peanuts. He flips out and asks what he is doing. The man replies "I'm fucking nuts, I'm never getting out of here!"

What is the difference between Yankee fans and dentists?One roots for the yanks, and the other yanks for the roots.

A person reviewing people in an insane asylum walks around and is pleased with what he sees. He starts to review patients to see what they will do when they get out. He walks up to the first guy and sees him throwing a football around. He automatically knows that he wants to be a football player. He walks up to another guy and sees him throwing a baseball around. He could automatically tell that he wanted to be a baseball player. He walks to the next cell and sees a man with his dick in a bowl of peanuts. He flips out and asks what he is doing. The man replies "I'm fucking nuts, I'm never getting out of here!"