Bat Jokes / Recent Jokes

As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was reassured that a gorilla recovering units was on the way and to remain calm.
A few minutes later, an old beat up truck, displaying the Gorilla recovery unit logo on its panels, pulled up to the house. The elderly driver proceeds to recover from the back of the truck, a chiwawa dog, a pair of handcuffs, a ladder, a baseball bat, and a 12-gauge shotgun. Puzzled on how this lone elderly was to solve the problem of this gorilla that had by now torn half the roof apart, the chap asked him how he would go about doing this. As he handed him over the 12-gauge shotgun, the zoo employee explained the plan:
"First I'll climb up there with the ladder. Then I'll approach the gorilla and more...

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep.
Pretty soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in.
“OK, follow me, ” he said, and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him.
“Now, do you see that tree over there? ” he asked.
“Yes, yes, yes! ” the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy.
“Good, ” said the first bat tiredly, “Because I didn’t! ”

During the game, the batsman noticed that the splice was coming out of his bat. In his small village, he was at a loss where to take it to be repaired. Finally, he decided that the blacksmith might do the job and went along to ask.

'Splice coming loose, eh?' said the blacksmith.' I get a lot of you chaps in here. I'll have it fixed in a minute.'

He put the bat on the anvil, took an enormous hammer and gave it a mighty smash. The bat was as good as new.

'Marvellous!' enthused the batsman.' How much do I owe you?'

'Let's say a fiver, eh?'

'A fiver? All you did was hit it with a hammer.

'I'll make you out a bill,' said the blacksmith.

He scribbled on a piece of paper and handed it over. The batsman read: To hitting bat with hammer 10 pence. For knowing were to hit 4. 90 pounds.

A weekend cricketer bought a bat on hire purchase. Several weeks later, a collector called on him.

'Now listen here,' said the collector,' you're eight payments behind with your installments.'

'Well,' said the batsman, -'you advertise Pay as you Play, don't you?'' So?'' I play very badly.' !

The bowler was up against a stonewaller who never moved his bat. Every ball either hit the bat or passed harmlessly by, no stroke being offered.

The bowler turned to the umpire.' Is he out if he doesn't move his bat?'

'No,' said the umpire.' But he will be if he does!'

In a local game. the visiting side had two fearsome fast bowlers. Everybody was terrified of them, none more so that the opening bat for the home team. He crept, shaking, to the crease and awaited the first ball. The bowler thundered up to the crease and hurled down a scorcher. The batsman waved his bat at it and it was fielded at mid-on. Immediately, he walked for the pavilion.

'Where are you going?' cried the bowler.' He caught it on first bounce.'

'Looked good enough to me' replied the retreating batsman.

A vampire bat came flapping in from a night of foraging, covered in fresh blood. He parked himself on the cave's roof to get some sleep. Soon all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to shut up and let him get some sleep, but they persisted until he finally gave in. "OK, follow me." He flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" "YES, YES, YES!!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Well I didn't!"