Battle Jokes / Recent Jokes

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate,' Bring me my red shirt!'

The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.

Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed,' Bring me my red shirt!'

And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.

Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked,' Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the more...

Q: What is the definition of an accountant?
A: Someone who solves a problem, you didn`t know you had, in a way you don`t understand.

Q: What does an accountant do for birth control?
A. He talks about his business.

Q: What is an extroverted accountant?
A: One who looks at your shoes while he`s talking to you instead of his own.

Q: What is an insolvency practitioner?
A: Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.

There are just three types of accountants:
Those who can count and those who can`t.

Q: Why did the auditor cross the road?
A: Because he looked in the file and that`s what they did last year.

Q: How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
A: Tie him to a chair, stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

Q: What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don`t?
A: Depreciation.

Q: What is the difference more...

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand-dune. "One Texas soldier is better than ten Taliban".The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes, then silence.The voice then calls out "One Texan is better than one hundred Taliban".Furious, the Taliban commander sends his next best 100 troops over the dune and instantly a huge gunfight commences. After 10 minutes of battle, again silence.The Texan voice calls out again "One Texan is better than one thousand Taliban".The enraged Taliban Commander musters one thousand fighters and sends them across the dune. Cannon, rocket and machine gun fire ring out as a huge battle is fought. Then silence.Eventually one wounded Taliban fighter crawls back over the dune and with his dying words tells his commander, "Don`t send any more men, its a trap. There`s more...

The captain of a ship hears his first mate calling from above deck, "captain, there is a pirate ship off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ship, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and bring me my red shirt". "Aye, aye captain," says the first mate, and carrys out the orders.
The men fight bravely, and after a long battle, defeat the pirates. The first mate asks the captain, "Well done sir, but why did you need the red shirt?" to which the captain replied "if I was wounded, I didn't want the men to see the blood and become disheartened, and so, lose the battle".
The next day, the captain hears his first mate calling from above deck "captain, there are ten pirate ships off the starboard side!" The captain takes the looking glass, sees the ships, and tells the first mate, "ready the cannons and swords, prepare the men for battle, and more...

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones’ sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, “If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200, 000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don’t have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000. ” “Now, ” he concluded, “which group do YOU think they are going to send into battle first? ”

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties.
The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
Once again the battle was on, and once more, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the more...

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, 'Bring me my red shirt!'
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled.
Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever bellowed, 'Bring me my red shirt!'
And once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, 'Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?'
The Captain, more...