Bears Jokes / Recent Jokes

A bear goes into a bar and orders a beer.
The bartender replies, "Sorry we dont serve bears here."
The bear, upset, says angrily, "Gimme a beer or I'll eat that lady over there!"
The bartender says, "Go ahead, I don't care."
The bear goes and savagely mauls the woman then eats her in front of the bartender.
The bear goes and says, "Now give me a beer or I'll eat someone else."
The bartender says, "I'm sorry we don't serve bears on drugs in here."
The bear goes, "What? I'm not on drugs!"
The bartender says, "What about the barbituate?"

a bear is chasing a rabbit and they stumble upon a magic lamp. a genie appeared put of noware and said "for releasing me you both get 3 wishes." he turned to the bear and said what is your 1st wish. the bear said "i wish all of the bears in this park are girls except me." the genie said "your wish has been granted." he turns to the rabbit and says "what is your first wish" the rabbit says "i wish that i had a motercycle." the genie said "your wish has been granted." the genie turned to the bear and said "what is your second wish." the bear said "i wish all the bears in the country were girls exept me." the genie said your wish has been granted." he turned to the rabbit and said" what is your second wish." the rabbit said" i wish that i had a helmet to go with my mortercycle." the genie said "your wish has been granted" he turned to the bear and said "what is your more...

Mama and Papa Bear are accused of child abuse. Baby Bear is put on the stand to testify and is asked by the judge, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?"

"No," Baby Bear replies, "he beats me."

Then the judge asks, "Do you want to live with Mama Bear?"

"No," Baby Bear replies, "she beats me too."

So the Judge says, "Who do you want to live with then?"

Baby Bear replies, "I want to live with the Chicago Bears, they don't beat anybody."

Theres a guy whos hiking in the woods one day when a bear chases him up a really tall tree. The bear started to climb the tree, so the guy climbed up higher. Then, the bear climbed down and went away. So the guy starts to climb down the tree. Suddenly, the bear returns, and this time hes brought an even bigger bear with him. The two bears climb up the tree, the bigger bear going higher than the first. But the guy climbed even higher still, so the bears couldnt reach him. Eventually, the bears went away. Naturally quite relieved, the guy starts down the tree again. Suddenly, the two bears return. But this time the guy knew he was in big trouble. Each bear was carrying a BEAVER.

A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes."The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle." *poof* It's done.The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house." *poof* It's done.The bear is thinking to himself "why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well." "And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female." *poof* It's done.The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay." And he rides off on his motorcycle.

The Colorado State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, and golfers to take extra precautions and be on the alert for bears while in the Dillon, Breckenridge, and Keystone area.They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert but not startle the bears unexpectedly.They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings.Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur.Grizzly bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.

A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says,' 'Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.'' The bear replies,' 'If you don't give me a beer, I'll eat that lady over there.'' The bartender says,' 'Go ahead.'' So the bear eats the lady and asks for a beer. The bartender says,' 'Sorry, we don't give beer to bears on drugs.''' 'What do mean,'' says the bear.' 'I'm not on drugs.''' 'Yes, you are, that was the barbituate.''