Bell Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning.
The wife (a blonde), picked up the phone, listened for a moment and said,
"How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
Curious, the husband said, "Who was that?"
And his lovely wife replies, "I don't have any idea who it was. It was some stupid woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear.'"
2 Passing an office building late one night, a blonde saw a sign that said, "Press bell for night watchman."
She did so, and after several minutes she heard the watchman clomping down the stairs.
The uniformed man proceeded to unlock first one gate, then another, shut down the alarm system, and finally made his way through the revolving door.
"Well," he snarled at the blonde, "what do you want?"
"I just want to know why you can't ring the bell for yourself?"
3. A blonde airhead goes for a job more...

Paolo Esperanza, bass-trombonist with the Simphonica Mayor de Uruguay, in a misplaced moment of inspiration decided to make his own contribution to the cannon shots fired as part of the orchestra's performance of Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture at an outdoor children's concert. In complete seriousness he placed a large, ignited firecracker, which was equivalent in strength to a quarter stick of dynamite, into his aluminum straight mute and then stuck the mute into the bell of his quite new Yamaha in-line double-valve bass trombone. Later, from his hospital bed he explained to a reporter through bandages on his mouth, "I thought that the bell of my trombone would shield me from the explosion and, instead, would focus the energy of the blast outward and away from me, propelling the mute high above the orchestra, like a rocket." However, Paolo was not up on his propulsion physics nor qualified to use high-powered artillery and in his haste to get the horn up before the firecracker more...

Passing a cemetery in the wee hours of the morning, a drunk noticed a sign that read, RING THE BELL FOR THE CARETAKER.
He did just that, and a sleepy-eyed man staggered to the gate. "What do you want at this hour?" the man demanded.
The drunk looked the caretaker over for a minute and then retorted, "I want to know why you can't ring the damn bell yourself!"

What`s the difference between a Polish beauty queen, and cheese? One is old and moldy, the other tastes good on crackers. The Polish scientist was testing a small frog. He rings a bell and the frog jumps. He proceeds to amputate one of the frog`s legs. He rings the bell again, and the frog jumps, but not as high as before. So the scientist cuts off the remaining leg, and again he rings the bell. The frog does nothing. The scientist turns to his notebook, picks up his pen and writes, "I have therefore proven that when a frog`s legs have been amputated, the animal then goes deaf."

A man who worked for a fire company came home from work one day and told his wife, "You know, we have a wonderful system at the fire station. Bell 1 rings and we put on our jackets. Bell 2 rings and we slide down the pole. Bell 3 rings and we're on the trucks ready to go. From now on we're going to run this house the same way. When I say bell 1, I want you to strip naked. When I say bell 2, I want you to jump into bed. When I say bell 3, we're going to screw all night.
The next night he came home from work and yelled, "Bell 1," and his wife took off all here clothes. "Bell 2," and his wife jumped into bed. "Bell3," and they began to screw. After 2 minutes his wife yelled, "Bell
4."
"What's this Bell 4?" asked her husband. "More hose," she replied, "You're nowhere near the fire!"

What do you get when you cross a bell with a skunk?
Jingle smells!

The Hunchback of Notre Dame croaks so they need to find a new bell-ringer.
A guy with no arms comes along and says he can do it.
"But you've got no arms... you can't do this job!" says the church leader.
The new applicant shouts back - "Sure I can... I'll do it with my mouth!"
So the church hires him and he starts his bell-ringing duties the next day.
He begins ringing the bell using only his mouth, but the bell is so heavy, it tosses him out the window to the ground and splatters him dead.
He's lying dead on the ground and a big crowd gathers around him.
"Who is that guy?" one person says.
"I don't know says another, but his face sure rings a bell..."