Ben Jokes / Recent Jokes
Three tourists climbed up the tower with London's Big Ben and decided to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch them before they hit the ground.
The first tourist threw his watch but heard it crash before the had taken three steps. The second threw his watch and made only tow steps before hearing his watch shatter. The third tourist threw his watch off the tower, went down the stairs, bought a snack at a shop up the street and walked slowly back to Big Ben in time to catch the watch.
"How did you do that?" asked one of his friends.
"My watch is 30 minutes slow."
Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen, the summer grows hot, and it is essential that we complete this declaration of independence.
Mr. Franklin: Wait a minute, Thomas. I have to reboot here.
Mr. Jefferson: That's all right, Ben. We'll go on without you. Has everyone had a chance to look at the draft I posted yesterday?
Mr. Sherman: Not yet, Thomas, I've been having Notes replication problems.
Mr. Adams: Here, Roger, I brought a hard copy.
Mr. Sherman: Thanks, Saaaaay, nice font.
Mr. Adams: Do you like it? I downloaded it off Colonies Online just last week.
Mr. Jefferson: Gentlemen! There is work to be done. I fear our document will soon leak out.
Mr. Livingston: Too late, Thomas. There's already a bootleg circulating. I saw it posted on alt.georgeIII.sucks last night.
Mr. Adams: Ben, you might try upgrading to Windows 75. It solved that problem for me.
Mr. Sherman: Thomas, the part here more...
Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England?
A: She found out Big Ben was only a clock.
Ben was assigned a new wildlife technician and she was driving him crazy. She was blonde and pretty and insisted on carrying beauty products in a little field bag - nail polish, hair care products, gels, creams and so on. One day they were driving the rugged four-wheel drive down a dirt road when a big rabbit ran in front of them and was hit by the truck. Ben pulls over and walks back to the dead rabbit. He felt terrible, but there was clearly nothing he could do for the dead creature. His blonde partner pipes in and yells, "Waite, I have just the thing!" She races back to the truck and begins to rifle through her beauty products. Ben watches as brushes and combs fly from the bag. Finally she races back with an aerosol can and sprays the dead rabbit with it's contents. Immediately the rabbit springs to its feet, waves goodbye, hops a few feet, pauses and waves again. The rabbit repe ats this strange behavior...wave-hop-wave-hop, until it disappears over the hill. Ben is more...
Aaron Thetires (Air in the Tires)
Abe Rudder (Hey Brother)
Abbie Birthday (Happy Birthday)
Abel N. Willan (Able and Willing)
Achilles Punks (I'll Kill These Punks)
Adam Bomb (Atom Bomb)
Adam Meway (Out of My Way)
Adam Sapple (Adam's Apple)
Adolf Oliver Nippils (Ate Off All Of Her Nipples)
Al B. Zienya (I'll Be Seeing You)
Al DePantzeu (I'll De-Pants You)
Al Gore-Rythim (Algorithym)
Al Kaholic (Alcoholic)
Al Kaseltzer (Alkaseltzer)
Al Kickurass (I'll Kick Your Ass)
Al Killeu (I'll Kill You)
Al Luminum (Aluminum)
Al Nino (El Nino)
Al O'Moaney (Alimony)
Alpha Kenny Wun (I'll Fuck Anyone)
Alec Tricity (Electricity)
Alex Blaine Layder (I'll Explain Later)
Alf Abet (Alphabet)
Ali Gator (Ali Gator)
Allota Fagina (A lot of vagina)
Amanda B. Recandwithe (A Man to Be Reckoned With)
Amanda Lay (A Man To Lay)
Amanda Hugnkiss (A Man to Hug and Kiss)
Andy more...