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I am Starr. Starr I are.
I'm a brilliant barri-star.
I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see,
Did you grope Miss Lew-in-sky?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join... even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One,
So stow your feathers and your tar,
I did not do her Starr you are!
Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie,
When called upon to testify?
That is it; you've gone too far!
I do not like you, Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I'll start a war!
The public's easy to distract,
When bombs are falling on Iraq!

Read this as if it were a Dr. Seuss story. Enjoy!!
I am Starr.
Starr I are.
I'm a brilliant barri-star.
I'm here to ask, as you'll soon see, Did you grope Miss Lew-in-ski?
Did you grope her in your house?
Did you grope beneath her blouse?
Did she give you gifts and ties?
Were you spied by prying eyes?
I did not do that here or there!
I did not do that anywhere!
I did not do that in a chair!
I went not near her giant hair!
I did not join-even for fun,
The Mile High Club in Air Force One.
So stow your feathers and your tar.
I did not do her, Starr you are!
Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek beneath her skirt?
And did you tell the girl to lie, When called upon to testify?
That is it; you've gone too far!
I do not like you, Starr you are!
I will not answer any more!
In fact, I think I'll start a war!
The public's easy to distract,
When bombs are falling in Iraq!

Once there was an Antartian that was down on his luck. In order to get some money he decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
He went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree and told him "I've kidnapped you."
The Antartian wrote a note saying "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it beneath the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the city playground. Signed, An Antartian."
The Antartian then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning the Antartian checked, and sure enough a paper bag was sitting beneath that pecan tree. The Antartian opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note. The note said, "How could one Antartian do this to another Antartian?!"

On the first day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the second day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the third day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas my mistress gave to me
six cans of sardines
five litter pans
four strutting birds
three quarts milk
two chicken breasts and
a pheasant under glass beneath the more...

President Clinton's Deposition

by Dr. Seuss

Starr-I-Are.

I'm here to ask,
As you'll soon see...
Did you grope
Miss Lewinsky?
Did you grope her
In your house?
Did you grope
Beneath her blouse?

I did not do that
Here or there...
I did not do that
Anywhere!
I did not do that
Near or far...
I did not do that
Starr-you-are!

Did you smile?
Did you flirt?
Did you peek
Beneath her skirt?
And did you tell
The girl to lie
When called upon
To testify?

I do not like you
Starr-you-are...
I think that you
Have gone too far!
I will not answer
Any more...
Perhaps I will go
Start a war!
The public's easy
To distract
When bombs are
Falling on Iraq!