Berries Jokes / Recent Jokes
1:00 am - Alarm clock rings
2:00 am - Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30 am - Throw everything except the kitchen sink into the pick-up
3:00 am - Leave for the deep woods
3:15 am - Back home to pick up gun
3:30 am - Set up camp. Forgot the damn tent
4:00 am - Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:30 am - Set up camp
6:05 am - Head for the woods
6:06 am - See eight deer
6:07 am - Take aim and squeeze the trigger
6:08 am - CLICK
8:00 am - Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
9:00 am - Head back to camp
12:00 NOON - Fire gun for help-eat wild berries
12:15 pm - Run out of bullets-eight deer come back
12:20 pm - Strange feeling in stomach
12:30 pm - Realize you ate poison berries
12:45 pm - Rescued
12:55 pm - Rushed to hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00 pm - Arrive back at camp
3:30 pm - Leave camp to kill deer
4:00 pm - Return to camp for bullets
4:01 pm - more...
A minister, a priest and a rabbi went for a hike one day. It was very hot. They were sweating and exhausted when they came upon a small lake. Since it was fairly secluded, they took off all their clothes and jumped in the water.
Feeling refreshed, the trio decided to pick a few berries while enjoying their "freedom." As they were crossing an open area, who should come along but a group of ladies from town.
Unable to get to their clothes in time, the minister and the priest covered their privates and the rabbi covered his face while they ran for cover.
After the ladies had left and the men got their clothes back on, the minister and the priest asked the rabbi why he covered his face rather than his privates. The rabbi replied, "I don't know about you, but in MY congregation, its my face they would recognize."
There was a newlywed couple on their honeymoon in Antarctica. The bride asks her husband to gather berries; the husband asked, "Why do you want berries; we are in Antartica?" She replied with, "I was just wondering if you would and if your penis shriveled, because my nipples are hard and if your penis does shrivel, I can heat it up in my vagina when you got back."
The husband ran out looking for berries. When he came back she asked, "What took you so long?"
He then said, "Can we fuck now or what?"
She said as long as you're not frost bit."
So they went up to their room and started kissing furiously; the next thing he knew, she was giving him the greatest head he had ever gotten. Then he laid her down on the bed and the heat of his breath on her thighs made her moan. Then they started making love furiously, all of a sudden someone bursts through the door and said, "Honey, why are you fucking my twin?" she was more...
The National Game warden put out a warning to all hikers in his area. Warning that they should wear small bells on their boots so not to startle the bears. To distinguish the grizzly bear the notice read-- small bears droppings are small with nut and berries in it. Grizzly bear droppings are much larger with nuts and berries and little tiny bells in it.
Once upon a time, there was a river. The Nile River, to be exact. On one side of the river lived the rabbit, and on the other side lived the bear. One fine day, the bear was sitting on a stump, enjoying his breakfest of berries. Then he heard someone yelling at him. It was the rabbit. ''Hey! Hey, Teddy, get your butt over here. I've got something to show you!'' ''Not now! I'm eating.'' ''Oh come on!'' said the rabbit. ''It's really important.'' ''No way.'' ''Please. It's urgent.'' So the bear decided to go all the way over the wide river. It took him all day and all night to get over to the other side. He nearly drowned. And when he finally got there he was groaning and panting, and wheezing for air. ''Well, rabbit,'' he panted. ''What did you want to tell me?'' ''Hey, Teddy,'' the rabbit began, ''look how many berries are on the other side of the river.''
One day in the 1800's a father asked his child to go get some nuts and berries. She went around and got nuts and berries from every boy she knew. When she showed her dad he said, "That's not what I meant!"