Bill Clinton Jokes / Recent Jokes
To make sure Bill Clinton's heart doesn't stop, doctors put in a special pacemaker made by Toyota.
This same university conducted a similar project on the Clinton presidency. Of course, Clinton's oral history focused on Monica Lewinsky.
According to the Associated Press, former President Bill Clinton says if his wife becomes president in 2008, his role would be to, "Do whatever she wants and I have no idea what that is." Obviously he doesn't know what she wants-he was too busy giving it to Monica.
Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie's lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes.The Genie said, "Nope...Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So...What'll it be?"Bill didn't hesitate. He said, "I want to be remembered for bringing peace to the Middle East, instead of that other stuff with Monica, and Jennifer, and the rest of those women. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."The Genie looked at the map of the Middle East and exclaimed, "Jeez, Fella! These people have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good, but not THAT good. I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."Bill thought for a minute and said, "You know, people really don't like my wife. Even though she got elected, they call her a more...
A Marine Colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual, nothing is moving."He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars, so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what seems to be the hold up?"The officer replies, "The President is just so depressed that Hillary has moved to New York, and may leave him altogether that he just stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway, and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family absolutely hates him and he doesn't have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers for that whole Monica and Paula thing. So I'm walking around taking up a collection for him.""Oh really? How much have you collected so far?""So far about three hundred gallons, but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning."