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I was once told that I am a physically intimidating person, which is perhaps both the strangest thing I’ve ever heard (little me, intimidating?) and the coolest thing I’ve ever heard (a mere glance will convey the message “Outta my way, sucka, or your head will be pulp” – boy, what power!).

There might be some truth in that. I found that out recently on a New York City street corner while waiting for friends to show up for dinner. While standing around, looking high and low for my party to arrive, a guy came walking down the dark street and into the glow of the streetlight illuminating my spot on the sidewalk. There was something about this guy that looked very familiar, but I couldn’t place it immediately – and it was weird, because I knew the face but it didn’t seem to fit the guy’s body.

Then I realized who it was: Edward Burns, the actor/filmmaker. And when I identified him to myself, I had a double reaction. First, I was appalled to finally more...

Today, October 12, is my birthday. It is also my least favorite day of the year.

This is not because I am getting older – I actually prefer the maturing process, as I feel far more comfortable with myself with each passing year (I am passing into year #42). The problem actually stems from a stretch of time when it appeared that nearly all of my friends forgot or ignored my birthday. I wouldn’t make a big deal of that, except that I never forgot to send best wishes for any of my friends’ birthdays (or their wedding anniversaries, or year-end holiday greetings). I’m not making myself seem clever – all it required was writing the dates on a calendar and looking at the calendar every once in a while to determine what was on the horizon in terms of activities and events.

So being in a situation where I was sending birthday/anniversary/holiday cards and getting nothing back in return became rather depressing. This was especially acute on my birthday, since it is more...

My favorite member of the British royal family (make that my favourite member) is Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh and husband to Queen Elizabeth II. He gets my vote not only because of our shared first name, but also because of his wonderful habit for saying the very worst thing at the worst possible time -- and always when microphones are about.

Prince Philip's gaffes have brought grief to many royal handlers, but there is a good number of Brits who secretly love his foot-in-mouth disease. While I acknowledge Prince Philip's penchant for the politically incorrect, I have to admit that he is hilarious in a Borat sort of way.

Via Wikipedia, I bring you the best of Prince Philip:

Speaking to a driving instructor in Scotland, he asked: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"After accepting a gift from a Kenyan citizen he replied, "You are a woman, aren't you?""If it has four legs and is more...

Outgoing U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan gave a farewell address in Missouri, where the audience was packed – perhaps with people trying to get their first glimpse of a black man.

Annan chose to speak at the Truman Presidential Library to contrast the presidential styles of Harry Truman, who ended a just war using the bomb, with George W. Bush, whose war ended up just bombing.

A career statesman, Annan used judicious language in his criticism of the Bush administration. Here then is a dictionary of diplomatic doublespeak:

When Annan said, “America must not sacrifice its democratic ideals while waging war against terrorism,” he meant, “The President is a douchebag.”

When Annan said, “No nation can make itself secure by seeking supremacy over all others,” he meant, “No seriously, he’s a douchebag.”

And when Annan concluded, “The U.S. has a special responsibility to the world because it continues to have extraordinary more...

Don't Mess with Condoleeza, Mr. President!

Mess with the Bull you get the Horns!


Tried To Warn Ya!

A Rock Hill, S.C., woman called police and asked them to arrest her son who opened a Christmas present early after being told not to, the Rock Hill Herald reported. Police went to the house and arrested the boy and charged him with petty larceny.

Mom better sleep with one eye open.

Everyone: "Dude, I'm in town for the weekend with no plan and no money. Can I stay on your couch?"

Me, if I had any balls: "Go fuck yourself."

Me, because I can’t say "no": "I guess so."

[The next morning...]

Everyone: "So, like, what are you doing today?"

Me, if I had any balls: "Doing what I would have done if you weren't here!"

Me, because I'm a nice person: "Babysitting you-I mean, let's do something?"

Everyone: "Hey, can I use your computer to check my email?"

[The next night...]

Everyone: "So, I called my friend, and he's not around... um... do you think... um... I can stay like another night?"

Me, if I had any balls: "You're a douche and your mama didn't raise you right."

Me: "I guess so."

Everyone: "Thanks, man. Oh, by the way, you're like low on more...