Bloke Jokes / Recent Jokes

this bloke goes to the doctor and says to the doctor i have a bad leg listen.
so the bloke picks his leg up and it says
give me

This bloke picks up woman at the local pub. They go for a romanticwalk down the street. They walk hand in hand and as they stroll hislustful desires rise to a fever pitch.He is just about to put the hard word on her when she says, "I hope you don'tmind but I'm busting to have a piss".Slightly taken aback by this vulgarity he replies, "OK whydon't you go behind these bushes".She nods in agreement and disappears behind the bushes.As he waits he can hear the sound of nylon knickers rollingdown her voluptuous legs and imagines what is being exposed.Unable to contain himself for another moment, he reaches througha gap in the foliage, his hand touching her leg. He quickly brings hishand further up her thigh until suddenly he finds himself gripping a long, thick appendage hanging between her legs.He shouts in horror "My God, don't tell me your really a bloke!"."No" she replies", "I've changed my mind, I'm having a shit instead."

A bloke came home and found his missus in bed with three blokes."Hello, hello, hello!" he screamed at them."Aren't you talking to me?" his missus snapped.

This bloke wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in atree in his garden.He looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one.
''Is it a boy gorilla or a girl gorilla?'' the service bloke asks.
''Boy gorilla'', replies the man.
''Righto'', says the service bloke. ''I'll be round in a jiffy.'' An hour later the service bloke shows up with a stick, a Pit Bull Terrier, a shotgun and a pair of handcuffs.
''Right'' he says to the man.'' I'm going to climb the tree and poke the gorilla with the stick until he falls.When he does, this highly trained Pit Bull will tear the gorilla's balls off. When the gorilla crosses his hands over his crotch to protect himself, you slip the handcuffs on,''
''OK,'' says the man, ''but what's the shotgun for?''
''I'm glad you asked that,'' says the service bloke. '' If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla does, then blow the dog's brains out

A saw mill advertises for a timber worker. A skinny little bloke shows up at the camp the next day carrying an axe. The head timber worker takes one look at the puny bloke and tells him to get lost.
"Give me a chance to show you what I can do," says the little guy.
"Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" says the foreman. "Take your axe and cut it down."
The little bloke heads for the tree and in five minutes he's knocking on the foreman's door. "I cut the tree down," says the bloke.
The foreman can't believe his eyes and says,"Where did you learn to chop down trees like that?"
"In the Great Australian Forest," says the little fella.
"You mean the Great Australian Desert," says the foreman.
"Sure! That's what they call it now!"

This bloke went into a pub with his wife, sat down at the bar and said to the bartender "Mate, please give me a beer before it starts"

The bartender poured him a beer and the bloke knocked it back in one gulp. "Give me another beer before it starts thanks mate " said the bloke.

The bartender had no idea what the bloke was talking about, but poured him another anyway and watched it disappear the way of the first one.

"Quick mate" said the bloke "give me another beer before it starts" As he's pouring the beer, the bartender said " Look mate, there's nothing starting here tonight. The strippers are on Friday, and the band is on Saturday".

The bloke ignored him and just demanded another beer before it started. "Listen dear" his wife interrupted, " I think you've had enough to drink "See mate" said the bloke to the bartender, "it's started."

one day a man was walking to his local post office and was in the queue so he started talking to this lady infront of him and they started talking about children so the woman asked the bloke how many kids he had the bloke replied 3 so he asked the same question back to her she said 15 he went wow wats all there names she said ashely he asked her how she kept track of them all she said ah i call them by there last names