Bloke Jokes / Recent Jokes
a bloke finishes work goes to the pub, and asks for a pint. he sees the wall covered in
This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?" The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?" "Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.
man walks in to a bar ans see to girls at the end of the bar so he says ill have a pint of bitter nd what ever them to girls r haveing at the end of the bar the barman says u want get no were mate there lesbians the bloke says ill have a pint of bitter nd what ever them, to ladies r haveing at the en of then bar barman syas mate listen to me there lesbians the bloke says ill have a pint of bitter and what ever them to ladies are haveing at the end of the bar and with that the lesbians walk out of the bar the barman says to the bloke told you didnt i but one of the lesbians walk back in and says would you like to smell my girl friend pussy he says to right so she blows her breath in his face
man walks in to a bar nd see to girls at the end of the bar so he says ill have a pint of bitter nd what ever them to girls r haveing at the end of the bar the barman says u wnt get no were m8 there lesbians the bloke says ill have a pint of bitter nd what ever them, to ladies r haveing at the en of then bar barman syas m8 listen to me there lesbians the bloke says ill have a pint of bitter nd what ever them to ladies r haveing at the end of the bar and with that there lesbians walk out the barman says to the bloke told you didnt i but one of the lesbians walk back in and says would u like to smell my mates pussy he says her so she blows her breath in his face
A bloke is driving around in his Porsche in the English countryside. He stops outside a field full of sheep, walks up to the shepherd and says, "I've got an offer. I'll guess how many sheep you've got in this field, and if I guess right, I get to take a sheep with me. If I guess wrong, you get my car."The shepherd thinks he's on to a sure thing and agrees. "137" says the driver."Damn me, you're right," says the shepherd and dutifully hands over a sheep.The man walks away, stuffs the sheep in his car and is about to drive away when the shepherd knocks on his window. "I've got a proposal for you." says the shepherd. "If I can guess what you do for a living, I get to take your car. If I'm wrong, you can have all my sheep.""Done," says the driver."You're a consultant," says the shepherd."Bloody hell! How did you guess?""Easy. You come in here uninvited, you tell me what I already know, and then you charge more...
Two whores were talking shop...
"Why is it," asked Sharon, "that I get as many customers as you, and yet you seem to make a lot more money than me?"
"Well, I'll let you in on a little trick," said Tracy. "What I do is, before I go out, I take a rubber band and stick it up my self. Then when I get a bloke back to my flat and he starts doing the business, it goes ping. I tell him he's just broken my virginity. I usually get an extra $20 for that!"
"I'll give that a try," says Sharon.
She does and it works just fine. Unfortunately, one day as she was getting ready, she found that the bag of rubber bands was empty. She searched around, but all she could find was a catapult. She carfully inserted the catapult and set off for work. Having returned with a fella, Sharon spread them and as the bloke got going there was the usual ping.
"You've just broken my virginity!" said more...
A bloke is driving around in the Australian bush and because it's Australia his truck has got a 'roo bar' on the front that protects it if he hits a kangaroo.
Suddenly he hits something, so he gets out and sees that there's a pig wedged between his 'roo bar' and his truck.
He tries to get it out but it's stuck tight, so he gets on his CB radio and asks for advice.
'Breaker breaker. I've got a pig stuck behind my 'roo bar. How can I get it out?'
A reply comes back, 'Just slice open the pig and let the guts spill out. The pig will fall out.'
So the guy does this and as predicted the pig falls straight out. 'OK, I've cut open the pig and it's out, but now I've got another problem.'
'What is it now?' says the bloke on the radio.
'What do I do with his motorcycle and helmet?'