Bloke Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?"
"Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave.
"Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade.

There was this guy who keeps bragging around about his balls. One day at a bar he met a fellow and said, " Hello, man! Your Balls plus my balls equals FIVE BALLS!" "Wow! you've got THREE balls? That's amazing!" replied the fellow. Then he met another bloke and told the same thing: " Hello, man! Your Balls plus my balls equals FIVE BALLS!" "Really? You have Three balls!!!" said the bloke. "How incredible!" This guy went to talk to other men, all were impressed of his unusual number of balls... Until he met the last dude. He told the dude, " Hello, man! Your Balls plus my balls equals FIVE BALLS!" the dude replied- "WHAT?! YOU ONLY GOT ONE BALL?"

An old bloke in the Northern Territory was showing some tourists how to top up a camel with water."That way," he said, "You get an extra day out of them between drinks."As the camel bent down to drink, the bloke picked up two bricks and bashed them over the camel's balls.The camel sucked in its breath and took on three days' extra water."Doesn't that hurt?" asked a tourist."Nah," replied the bloke. "Only if you get your fingers caught!"

Three bushies were sitting around a campfire one night when one bloke started complaining about his useless cattle dog.

"I'd give $100 to anybody who can make him do anything on command," he spat. "Watch this."

The bloke commanded the dog to sit, roll over and play dead, all with no result.

The second bushie said, "Give me a go."

He commanded the dog to sit, roll over and play dead, all with no result. After an hour he gave up in disgust.

The third bushie stands up and says, "I'll take that $100."

Then he grabs the dog, throws him into the campfire and yells, "Get out of there, boy!"

While enjoying a drink with a mate one night, this bloke decides to try his luck with an attractive young girl sitting alone by the bar. To his surprise, she asks him to join her for a drink and eventually asks him if he'd like to come back to her place. The pair jump into a taxi and as soon as they get back to her flat they dive onto the bed and spend the night hard at it. Finally, the spent young bloke rolls over, pulls out acigarette from his jeans and searches for his lighter. Unable to find it, he asks the girl if she has one at hand."There might be some matches in the top drawer," she replies.Opening the drawer of the bedside table, he finds a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. Naturally, the bloke begins to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquires nervously."No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him."Your boyfriend then?""No, don't be daft," she says, nibbling away at his more...

A man came hobbling into the doctor's waiting room, assisted by his wife. The poor bloke could hardly move. He was bent over and grimacing with pain as he shuffled along, his hands like two rigid claws.

The receptionist looked on sympathetically. "Oh dear," she said. "Arthritis with complications?"

"No," said the bloke's wife. "Do-it-yourself with concrete blocks."

A Canadian bloke is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm.
His friend Randy stops him and asks, "Hey Dave! Whatcha got that case of beer for?" "Well, I got it for my wife, you see?" answers Dave. "Wow," exclaims Randy, "Great trade.