Bloke Jokes / Recent Jokes

An American tourist had visited all the usual sights. He'd seen the Sydney Harbor and everything else, but he wanted to see the *real* Australia. So there he found himself, on the weekly rail motor out to Thargomindah. There wasn't much to see. There was a drought on it was hot and the wind was blowing dust everywhere. He got off the train and made for the pub, sweating and cursing as he swatted in vain at the clouds of files that buzzed around him. The pub's only customer, a bloke in a blue singlet, greeted him with a "G'day!" The American ordered a beer. "Yank eh?" quizzed the Aussie. "Sure am buddy," the Yank replied. "Waddya think of this part of Australia, yank?" the bloke asked. "I think it's got to be the a**hole of the world," the Yank replied. There was a five second pause as the local sucked on his smoke. Then he asked: "You just passing through?"

Finally, a worthy pyramid scheme! Simply send this e-mail to 9 of your mates... INSTRUCTIONSAnaesthetise your wife/girlfriend, put her in a large carton, (don't forgetsome ventilation holes), and send it to the person who is at the top ofyour list. Soon, your name will be at the top of the list, and you will receive 823, 542 women through the post. Statistically, among those women, there will be at least: * 0. 5 Miss Worlds,* 2. 5 supermodels,* 463 wild nymphos,* 3, 234 good-looking nymphos,* 20, 198 who enjoy multiple orgasms,* and 40, 198 bi-sexual women. In total, that is 64, 294 women who are simply hornier, less inhibited, andtastier than the miserable old cow you posted off. And, best of all, youroriginal package is guaranteed not to be one of those that come back to you. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN LETTER!!! One bloke for example who sent the letter to only 5 instead of 9 of hisfriends got his original bird back, still in the old dressing gown he senther off in, with the same old more...

Nelson Mandela is at home watching the box, when there is a knock at his door. He gets up and answers it, there is a Chinese bloke with clipboard, behind him is a lorry full of exhaust pipes.
"You sign, you sign" yells the Chinese geezer. Nelson looks at the truck and tells the Chinese bloke that he has a got the wrong bloke.
Next day Nelson is watching a porno film when there is a knock on his door. It's the same Chinese bloke and behind him is truck full of brake parts.
"You Sign, You Sign" screams the Chinese bloke and pushes the clipboard under Nelson's nose.
"Look you Twat" snarls Nelson "You've got the wrong bloke. I don't want brake parts, you've got the wrong bloke now FUCK OFF".
Next day Nelson is sitting in the chair reading Penthouse, when there is a knock on the door. It's the Chinese bloke again, behind him are two trucks filled with engine parts. The Chinese bloke screams at Nelson "You sign, you more...

A visit to a physiotherapist can result in more discomfort than you started out with, at least temporarily. However, a Cairns bloke reckons he's found the key to the problem.
He was told to lie on the couch while the physio manipulated his limbs. The physio urged him to sing out if he felt any pain during the procedure and he would stop.
He (the physio) told him (the patient) to turn on his side, then grabbed him firmly by the arm and started to apply pressure.
"Aaargh!" shrieked the bloke almost immediately.
"Is it hurting already?" asked the startled and somewhat concerned physio.
"Yes," gasped the grimacing patient. "I'm lying on my car keys!"

THE FIRST WORTHWHILE CHAIN LETTER
This chain letter was developed by virile men in order to make their sex
life even more fantastic. As opposed to normal chain letters, this one
costs nothing, and you can only win. Simply send this e-mail to 6 fellas
who are just as virile as you. Then anaesthetize your wife/girlfriend, put
her in a large carton (don't forget some ventilation holes), and send it
to the person who is at the top of your list. Soon, your name will be at
the top of the list, and you will receive 823,542 women through the post.
Statistically, among those women, will be at least: 0.5 miss worlds 2.5
models 463 wild nymphos 3,234 good-looking nymphos 20,198 who enjoy
multiple orgasms 40,198 bi-sexual women In total, that is 64,294 women who
are simply hornier, less inhibited, and tastier than the grumpy old bag
you posted off. And, best of all, your original package is guaranteed not
to be one of those that come back to more...

This bloke went into a nightclub and saw a gorgeous honey sitting by herself at the bar, he asked her to dance. She agreed and they took to the dance floor for a slow one. While they were cheek to cheek, the guy said, "You really smell terrific. What's that you have on?"The flattered girl told him it was Chanel #5. Then wanting to return the compliment, she said, "You smell good, too. What is it that you have on?""Well, I've got a hardon, but I didn't think you could smell it," the guy replied.

A bloke goes into a pub.
The barmaid asks what he wants.
'I want to put my head between your tits, and lick the sweat off,' he replies.
'You dirty bastard!' shouts the barmaid, 'Get out before I get my husband.'
The bloke apologizes and says he will never do it again.
The barmaid, disgusted, accepts his apology and asks what he wants again.
'I want to pull down your knickers, spread cottage cheese between your arse cheeks and lick it off,' he replies.
'What???' screams the barmaid, 'That's it! You're barred, you dirty, filthy, perverted bastard, get out now.'
Once again the bloke apologizes, and says he will never, ever do it again.
'Right. I'll give you one last chance,' says the barmaid. 'Now, what do you want?'
'I want to turn you upside down, fill your pussy with Guinness and drink it all out of you.'
The barmaid starts crying and runs upstairs to her husband, who is sitting down watching the telly.
'What's up, love?' says the more...