Blowjob Jokes / Recent Jokes

A boy takes his girlfriend home after going out together.
When they reach the front door, he leans against the wall with one hand and says, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No!! Someone may see -- a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night? No one will show up..."
"I've already said No, and NO!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you'd like it, too..."
"No! I've said NO!"
"My love... Don't be like that..."
At this moment, the girlfriend's younger sister shows up at the door in her nightgown with her hair totally in disorder. Rubbing her eyes, she says, "Dad says either you have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy a blowjob himself, but for God's sake, tell your boyfriend to take his hand off the intercom!"

Every 14th of February you get the chance to display your fondness for your wife or girlfriend by showering her with gifts, flowers, dinner, shows and any other baubles that women find romantic. Every Valentines Day you rack your brains for that one special, unique gift that will show your wife or girlfriend that you really love them more than anything.

Now ladies, I'll let you in on a little secret.... guys really don't
enjoy this that much. Sure seeing that smile on your face when we get it right is priceless, but that smile is the result of weeks of blood, sweat and consideration. Another secret.... guys feel left out. That's right... left out. There's no special holiday for the ladies to show their appreciation for the men in their life. Men as a whole are either too proud or just too embarrassed to admit it.

Which is why a new holiday has been created.

March 20th is now officially "Steak and Blowjob Day". Simple, effective and more...

A man wakes up early one morning and decides to go Bear hunting. He tells his wife, "Youve got three choices; you can go Bear hunting with me, Ill do you anally or you can give me a blowjob. Im gonna load up the truck and get the dog out. Make up your mind before I get back."The man returns twenty minutes later and says, "Well whats it gonna be?"She says, "Theres no way Im going Bear hunting and youre not doing my ass so I guess its a blowjob."A couple minutes later she starts choking and spitting and says, "Jesus, you taste like shit.""Oh yeah," he replies, "The dog didnt want to go Bear hunting either."

A priest is giving confession but he drank a little too much communion wine before hand and had to piss really badly. So when the next guy was done with his confession the priest asked him,

"Would you mind sitting in for me while I piss?"

The man being a pleasant soul said sure no problem. So the priest showed the man a list of sins and the corresponding penances to go along with them. So the man was pretty secure that he had things under control.

The man was going along giving away Our Fathers, Hail Marys, Rosaries and everything was going good.

Then a lady came in said, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. I gave my boyfriend a blowjob."

So the man looked on his list for Blowjob but couldn't find it. He crossed reference it with Head, Sucked Dick, and Oral Sex but couldn't find a penance.

So he asked an Altar Boy, "Hey, what does the priest give for a blowjob?"

To which the more...

a guy wals into a bar and asks for 6 shots, the bar tender sais whatts the ocasion, the guy sais his first blowjob, the bartender gave him another and sais its on the house, the guy said thats ok the 6th one got the taste out of my mouth.

A traveling salesman is in a small town in the midwest, when his trip is suddenly prolonged for an extra month. He was already getting bored there and over the course of the extra month he becomes very homesick.
Finally, he decides to give in to temptation and visit the local brothel. He walks up to the madam and hands her a hundred dollars and says, "Give me the worst blowjob in town."
The madam says, "For this kind of money, you can have the best blowjob."
"No, no," says the man, "You don't understand, I'm not horny, I'm homesick."

The boy just takes the girlfriend back to her home after being out together,
and when they reach the front door he leans with one hand on the wall and
says to her, "Sweetie, why don't you give me a blowjob?"
"What? You're crazy!"
"Don't worry, it will be quick, no problem."
"No! Someone may see; a relative, a neighbor..."
"At this time of the night no one will show up..."
"I've already said no, and no!"
"Honey, it's just a small blowie... I know you like it too."
"No! I've said no!"
"My love... don't be like that..."
At this moment the younger sister shows up at the door in nightgown with her
hair totally in disorder, rubbing her eyes and says, "Dad says either you
have to blow him, I have to blow him, or he will come down and give the guy
a blowjob himself, but for God's sake to tell your boyfriend to take his
hand off the more...