Boiled Jokes

Teacher: Ramu, What Happens When A Hen Is Put Into A Bowl Of Warm Water? Ramu: It Lays Boiled Eggs.

A gentile once wandered into a Jewish restaurant and ordered roast chicken.
The waiter said, "Take my advice and have the boiled beef today."
"No thank you. I want the roast chicken"
"Listen to me. The roast chicken is not for you. Have the boiled beef"
"What is this? Don't you suppose I know what I want? Bring me the roast chicken at once!" The diner was getting mad.
"I will not do that. I know better than you what you want."
"Look," said the diner striking the table a resounding blow, "get me the manager!"
The manager drawn by the noise, came bustling over. "What the hell is going on here?"
The waiter turned to him and said, "Listen. This guy didn't come here to eat. He came here to give me an arguement." From "Asimov Laughs Again", an absolutely wonderful book full of jokes and anecdotes from the Good Doctor.

A group of friends who prided themselves on their intelligence set out to have a contest of wits. Each person in turn asked a question and anyone who volunteered an answer that was wrong dropped out. If no one could answer, the questioner himself had to answer, and if he was wrong, he dropped out.

Each dropout had to put $5 into the pot.

Eventually the matter boiled down to Thompson and Brown, and the erudition of each one boiled up so that both were held even for half an hour.

Finally Thompson said, "How does a gopher dig a hole without leaving a mound of dirt at the lip?"

Brown thought about that and said, "I can't answer that. However, since it's your question, you had better answer it."

Thompson said coolly, as he reached for the accumulated pile of bills. "Easy. The gopher starts at the bottom of the hole and that's where he leaves the dirt."

"Hold on," said Brown heatedly, more...

A man had been feeling sick for several days. Finally he decided to try a new doctor who had just moved into town. After hearing the man's symptoms and listening to his belly with a stethoscope the doctor told him that he had a tapeworm.' 'Oh, is that bad? How can I get rid of it?'' asked the man.' 'Come in tomorrow and bring a hard boiled egg and a lemon cookie,'' said the doctor. When he saw a puzzled look cross the man's face, the doctor said,' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor.''

So, the next day the man brings in the hard boiled egg and the lemon cookie.' 'Drop your pants, and bend over,'' says the doctor.' 'What?'' says the man.' 'Trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor. So, the man drops his pants and bends over. SWOOSH! The doctor shoves the egg up his rear.' 'Whoa! Hold on a minute, Jack!'' screams the man.' 'Hold still and trust me. I'm the doctor,'' says the doctor.

About a minute later, SWOOSH! up goes the lemon cookie.' 'Now pull up your pants and come more...

Pinoy goes to order breakfast at a coffee shop in Manhattan... Waiter: "What kind of coffee would you like, regular or decaf?"
Pinoy: "No... Big cup! Big cup!" Waiter: "What would you like for your breakfast?"
Pinoy: "Hameneggs." Waiter: "And how do you like your eggs, sir?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I like dem beri much."
Waiter: "No sir, I mean how would you like them cooked?"
Pinoy: "Yes, tenkyu, I wud like dem cooked."
Waiter (with increasing impatience): "Would you like your eggs... fried? poached? hard boiled or soft boiled?"
Pinoy (with increasing uneasiness): "Yes, one fried en one hard boiled or sop boiled." Waiter: "And what bread would you like?"
Pinoy: "Begyurpardon?"
Waiter: "What kind of bread would you like... white? rye? whole wheat? toast?"
Pinoy: "Pan Amercano..."
Waiter: "We more...