Bomb Jokes / Recent Jokes

After the birth of their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that enough was enough. The husband went to the doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want any more children, and what could the doctor do to help?. The doctor smiled, told him to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.
The man relayed this story to his wife, and shaking his head in doubt said, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help!"
His wife agreed, and they drove to Missouri together for a second opinion. Surprisingly enough, when they told the second doctor why they'd come, he asked them where they were from, and then told them to buy a cherry bomb, put it in a can, and for the husband to hold it next to his ear and count to ten.
Deciding that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the couple went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. The more...

The Pentagon says that Iran is 5-8 years away from having a nuclear bomb. Speculated a source, "Eight years if they build it themselves, five years if we secretly sell it to them."

Six Bad Days1. The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80, 000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, they were both eaten by a killer whale. 2. A psychology student in New York rented out her spare room to a carpenter in order to nag him constantly and study his reactions. After weeks of needling, he snapped and beat her repeatedly with an axe leaving her mentally retarded. 3. In 1992, Frank Perkins of Los Angeles made an attempt on the world flagpole-sitting record. Suffering from the flu he came down eight hours short of the 400-day record, his sponsor had gone bust, his girlfriend had left him and his phone and electricity had been cut off. 4. A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen, shaking frantically with what looked like a wire running from his waist towards the electric kettle. more...

An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the
value of nothing.

An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all
the wounded.

A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is
shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain)

An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he
predicted yesterday didn't happen today.

A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the
personality to be an accountant.

An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because
that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the
plane. (Laurence J. Peter)

A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you
had in a way you don't understand.

A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat
which
isn't there. (Charles R. more...

Why is a viola solo like a bomb? By the time you hear it, it's too late to do anything about it.

After their eleventh child was born, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, so the husband went to his doctor and told him they didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor explained that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could solve the problem. He instructed the husband to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.
The husband said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, doc, but I sure don't see how puttin' a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is gonna help."
Thinking it might be a good idea for them to get a second opinion, the couple drove to Georgia. The doctor there was just about to explain the procedure for a vasectomy when he realized they were from Alabama. Instead, he told the man to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to ten.
Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man more...

By Terry Jones (of Monty Python)
February 20, 2002
Times Observer

To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such an obvious idea that I can't think why no one has thought of it before. It's so simple. If only the UK had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards' bandstand, the Government should have declared its own War on Terrorism. It should have immediately demanded that the Irish government hand over Gerry Adams. If they refused to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of his guilt - we could have told them that this was no time for prevarication and that they must hand over not only Adams but all IRA terrorists in the Republic. If they tried to stall by claiming that it was hard to tell who were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't go around wearing identity badges, we would have been free to send in the bombers.

It is well known that more...